Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Preventing cohousing “neighborly awareness” from becoming surveillance (with CPS calls)

[Patricia Bailey (editorialcaptive]

Muriel is correct. Free-range parenting is a basic tenet of cohousing and why 
many families join (we have 13 children so far). These neighbors should have 
been aware of that before joining. Plus it’s the way that many of us who are 
seniors grew up. You told your mom you were going out to play and were gone for 
hours. But apparently, based on your experience, we all need to make this clear 
in community policy.

Here is what AI says:
Yes, free-range parenting is common in cohousing communities and aligns 
naturally with their core principles. The design and culture of cohousing 
create a supportive environment where children can experience a high degree of 
independence and safety, similar to the village-like atmosphere of past 
generations. 
Architectural design promotes independence
Cohousing communities are specifically planned to reduce risks to children 
while fostering their freedom. 
"Faces not fenders": Homes are clustered together, and cars are kept on the 
periphery of the community. This makes the central courtyards, paths, and 
shared green spaces safe for kids to play and roam freely, often unsupervised 
by parents.
Pedestrian-friendly layouts: The design encourages walking and offers open 
outdoor areas, such as playgrounds and gardens, where children can easily find 
playmates and explore. 
Community culture supports collective childcare
The social fabric of a cohousing community creates a built-in safety net that 
makes free-range parenting possible.
Collective supervision: A key advantage is the "eyes-on-the-street" approach, 
where all neighbors know and look out for one another's children. This extended 
network of caring adults provides a sense of security that is rare in 
traditional neighborhoods.
Informal arrangements: In many communities, it is common for neighbors to share 
childcare informally. This could involve parents taking turns supervising 
outdoor play or having kids play freely at each other's houses.
Intergenerational connections: Multigenerational cohousing exposes children to 
a wide range of trusted adults and older kids who can act as mentors and role 
models. This provides children with a richer social experience and valuable 
life lessons beyond their immediate family. 
Benefits for children and parents
The free-range aspects of cohousing benefit both children and their parents.
For children: They gain confidence, social skills, and learn to resolve 
conflicts by interacting with a variety of peers and adults. They can also 
participate in community activities like preparing meals or working in the 
garden, which teaches them responsibility and teamwork.
For parents: They experience less of the isolation common to modern parenting. 
The collective support system means parents can feel more at ease while their 
children play safely outdoors, reducing the need for constant, individual 
supervision. The sense of shared responsibility also helps parents feel less 
overwhelmed

> On Oct 11, 2025, at 12:39 PM, Kathryn Lowry via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] 
> cohousing.org> wrote:
> 
> Hello all,
> 
> I’m seeking guidance on how cohousing communities keep “neighborly
> awareness” from drifting into surveillance—especially when it escalates to
> CPS calls.
> 
> *Context (specific examples):*
> 
>   -
> 
>   Our site was intentionally designed so that *every resident can observe
>   community activity from their kitchen window*—a feature we value for
>   safety and connection. Yet my neighbors have repeatedly called CPS alleging
>   neglect *because I rely on the same visibility feature they use* to
>   scrutinize my children’s outdoor play.
>   -
> 
>   During my *5th week of post-op recovery from knee surgery*, Dad was
>   handling *100% of housekeeping and caregiving* for our two children and
>   me (temporarily immobilized). During a sudden summer rain, a neighbor
>   calmly walked our younger child toward our unit (Dad met them at the door)
>   while another helped our older child close the sandbox—*no urgency, no
>   distress*. Instead of being treated as a normal act of *neighborly care
>   during a medically vulnerable period*, the incident was logged as *another
>   CPS report* alleging neglect.
> 
> *What I’m hoping to learn from this list:*
> 
>   1.
> 
>   *Community Agreements:* Do you have written norms/policies that
>   distinguish *mutual visibility for safety* from *surveillance of
>   neighbors*? Sample language welcome.
>   2.
> 
>   *Reporting Protocols:* How do you channel concerns (e.g., speak directly
>   first, use a community safety/children’s committee, mediation) before
>   external reporting? Any *decision trees* or *cooling-off steps*?
>   3.
> 
>   *Privacy & Documentation:* Policies on photographing/recording neighbors
>   or children, posting to social media, or keeping “incident logs”?
>   4.
> 
>   *Design Solutions:* Has anyone adjusted *sightlines, screening, signage,
>   or play-zone placement* to reduce friction while preserving the original
>   design intent of casual oversight?
>   5.
> 
>   *Family-Centered Practices:* Ways to support *children’s independent
>   mobility* (e.g., kitchen-window check-ins, buddy systems) without
>   shaming or over-policing parents—especially during *temporary medical
>   events* when roles shift.
>   6.
> 
>   *Governance & Remedies:* Which committees handle this? What *restorative*
>   or *educational* steps have you used (e.g., bias/assumption training,
>   “assume positive intent” agreements, appreciative check-in channels) to
>   reset culture?
>   7.
> 
>   *When CPS Is Involved:* If your community has faced *frequent or
>   unfounded CPS calls*, how have you responded as a community while still
>   honoring good-faith safety concerns?
> 
> If you can share *policy excerpts, onboarding materials, signage language,
> or flowcharts*, I’d be grateful (on-list or off-list). I’m trying to *preserve
> our design’s intent—mutual care and informal connection—without normalizing
> surveillance* or weaponizing visibility against families.
> 
> Thank you for any wisdom and documents you can offer,
> *Kathryn Lowry*
> _________________________________________________________________
> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> http://L.cohousing.org/info
> 
> 
>