Cohousing-L Mailing List: Update from Riderwood Village

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

Today’s joke:

> Wanted: Someone to brush their teeth with me because 9 out of 10 dentists say 
> that brushing alone will not prevent tooth decay. 

I promised updates after I moved from cohousing to senior living, but there are 
so many ways that Riderwood feels and talks like cohousing, it’s hard to find a 
contrast. Whatever I write would be just a description of the same kind of 
happenings on a larger, more complex scale. 

After I posted a series of emails asking who was in charge and what had to be 
done to change this or that, I was contacted by Riderwood Resident, Lewis 
Rhodes. Professionally, his field is education and organizational development. 
For many years at Riderwood, he has been a CEO whisperer. Years ago, he studied 
Deming, who is credited with turning Japan into a technological wizard after WW 
II. Deming was a big believer that change starts with the CEO. He invited me to 
lunch, where we discussed common interests and have been sharing emails and 
working papers on how Riderwood works, and doesn’t.

Riderwood is heavy on "if you want to know something, you have to ask the 
relevant team”, not the members' email list, called Chatterwood. When I try to 
ask a question they send me to the relevant team. But most often I find that 
the team doesn’t consider that they have any connection to that topic. Once, I 
was told to form a team if I wanted to find out about that topic.

I encouraged the moderators to set up subgroups on Chatterwood Groups.io 
<http://groups.io/> on subjects the moderators don’t want to discuss on the 
main Chatterwood list. All political subjects are banned, for example. There 
was actually a discussion about whether posts organizing travel to "No Kings” 
demonstration were "political.” I asked whether “political” meant posts related 
to elective offices or other posts that advocated activism in any sphere? No 
response.

When the post came out from the moderators about setting up subgroups, I asked 
if we could have a preview of what they were thinking about so we could make 
suggestions about topics. There are 50+ groups of various kinds, and many 
overlap. 50+ subgroups will be rather ineffective. 

The answer was that a subgroup will have to be moderated by one of the approved 
groups. I assume the initial groups will represent the largest groups — that 
they won’t set up 50+, but no one will know until it is a done deal and they 
announce it. This practice extends Village-wide and results in many decisions 
being rescinded. The first memo announcing a decision is never the last.

There is an incredible amount of open sharing and feedback. For example, on 
dining there are monthly meetings for residents, staff, and team members, and a 
box for suggestions in each clubhouse (common house). The meetings are mostly 
questions and answers or complaints and responses. They avoid back-and-forth 
discussions between residents and staff. If a response seems unacceptable, the 
leader says talk to me after the meeting. Actual discussion between staff and 
residents only happens after a decision is announced. I’ve suggested that an 
actual back-and-forth before the decision is final would make the decisions 
more satisfying and long-lasting.

Perhaps this reluctance is a result of having staff in the first place. The 
paid and the served avoid conflict. It might also be the result of age 
differences. Many, if not most, staff members are students or graduates of the 
local community college. The Village residents raise a lot of money each year 
for scholarships. The residents are thus benevolent donors as well as being 60+ 
years older.

At meals, I feel like a child at a family party with all the old relatives. At 
83, I’m not one of the youngest by any means, but I’m new and ask questions 
that are not being asked by others. I have a Monday night dinner that includes 
Evelyn, who is 98. She never eats her dessert, so she asks me, only me, if I 
want her cookies. 

We had a discussion last week, wondering how the president is talked about in 
schools now that we have Trump and have had Nixon. When we were in elementary 
school, the president was considered to be on a level with Superman. “Oh, 
absolutely,” Evelyn said. "Roosevelt was the best of the best. My family moved 
to DC because he was in charge of everything."

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
Founding member and 25 year resident, Takoma Village, Washington DC