Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Children in Community

[Elizabeth Magill (pastorlizm]

So the challenge of free range parenting is that the parents are not
present to enforce rules with the kids. So until the other adults are
willing to ask for things for themselves, those things won't happen.

We at Mosaic *do* have quiet hours. We also do "require" everyone on
wheeled vehicles to defer to walkers on the paths. Note that require
is a funny word. What happens if they don't? As each batch of children
grows older they become more able to follow external rules. Seems to
take the teens and adults some time to learn them, too.

I, as an elder, non-parent would be very sad if there was a no kids in
the common house rule. I moved to intergenerational cohousing to be
with kids! There are a group of us who have insisted that the kids
learn to shut the door they go through. It means we must get up, ask
the kid to come back, and shut the door each time they don't. And they
learn it, usually after being asked twice. But only if we do it. Some
parents ask it of their kids, some don't, but if I care about it I
have to ask for it (and I do.)

My husband and I tried one year to simply take any items left on the
pathways to your home. That didn't work at all. Kids who can't
remember that to put away their toys also don't always remember that
they *have* them. And they tell their parents, weeks later, that they
can't find it, but they don't tell the community. So it was a highly
unsuccessful strategy.

(I also enforce the "no guns in the common house" rule to mean guns of
any sort--toys are not an exception. I think what they actually learn
is not to have guns around Liz.)

We do send regular notes to our community email list reminding the
adults to tell their kids to keep toys off the path. For this batch of
kids it seems to work well--but not 100%. They are kids.

-Liz
(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Mosaic Commons Cohousing, Berlin, MA

On Sat, Aug 1, 2026 at 11:05 PM Joyce Cheney via Cohousing-L
<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> We haven’t had generation-clash problems in the ten yrs I’ve lived at Casa 
> Verde, so this is a one- senior answer, not a community answer. Here are two 
> suggestions:
> 1. Make it clear to the kids zooming around the sidewalks on scooters, bikes 
> etc, that seniors have right of way; that is, the kids need to slow down and 
> move over when they encounter seniors on the walkways.
> 2. Have quiet hours for all ages- no loud music/conversation/play after (x 
> hr).
> 3. Kids are not allowed in the Common House without an adult.
> -Jc
>
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> > On Aug 1, 2026, at 4:38 PM, Katherine Lavine via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l 
> > [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >
> > Bikes left blocking the path (tripping hazard), kids climbing on counters 
> > or other places deemed unsafe (or unhygenic), running thru common house 
> > during meals at high volume, and the difficult-to-untangle “lack of 
> > respect” when spoken to. Tip of the iceberg topics.
> >
> > We made an attempt to establish norms for the common house that would 
> > involve kids and adults equally , but some parents were not in favor. There 
> > are (understandably) different parenting styles and norms amongst our 
> > families. Not a unified front, which makes agreements challenging.
> >
> > There are expectations from some older members that parents should keep 
> > their kids “in check”. Many feel unskilled in giving kids direct feedback.
> >
> > We believe “connecting before correcting” is important and attempted to use 
> > time in general meetings for educational minutes to facilitate multi gen 
> > understanding, but found it difficult to find good info to share and not 
> > burnout the organizers of that idea. Would love ideas for that kind of 
> > thing. Not just how to talk to the kids, but also understanding all age 
> > groups needs.
> >
> > Katherine Lavine
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >> On Aug 1, 2026, at 3:15 PM, Buzz Harris via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] 
> >> cohousing.org> wrote:
> >>
> >>  Hi Katherine.
> >>
> >> What are the specific issues that are generating conflict, if you don't 
> >> mind sharing that?
> >>
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Buzz
> >> Mosaic Commons Cohousing
> >> Berlin, MA
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Buzz Harris
> >>
> >>
> >> What used to be called liberal is now called radical,
> >> What used to be called radical is now called insane,
> >> What used to be called reactionary is now called moderate, and
> >> What used to be called insane is now called solid conservative thinking.
> >>
> >> -Tony Kushner
> >>
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >>
> >>    On Saturday, August 1, 2026 at 05:01:57 PM EDT, Katherine via 
> >> Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >>
> >> We are looking for helpful resources regarding growing our ability to 
> >> navigate a “multi-gen” community.
> >>
> >> We are currently exploring ways to reduce friction between older adults 
> >> and our free range children. It’s a Common problem, we know. (One of the 
> >> three Ps- parking, pets and parenting)
> >>
> >> What has your community found to be useful  to widen understanding and 
> >> promote peaceful coexistence amidst differing needs?
> >>
> >> Thanks in advance.
> >>
> >> Katherine Lavine
> >>
> >>
> >>
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> >>
> >>
> >>
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> >>
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