Re: ROMANTICIZING COHOUSING
From: Marci and Tom (sodanceemail.msn.com)
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 20:17:15 -0600 (MDT)
Tom Whitmore here; I usually don't respond to things here but I think
it's important to speak out and say that my experience says that many
cohousing groups are glad to accept polyamory in theory, but I haven't
seen a lot of acceptance in practice. This is one thing that led
friends of mine in Mpls to move on to other approaches. And yet, I
hope people here could accept this lifestyle as practical and a lot of
work, one which is made easier by the support of a community -- like
raising children, it takes a village to make a relationship. Those who
don't think so have probably never tried to go against the dominant
paradigm.

Polyamory is more work than monogamy, indeed (as one who's tried
both). And it's made even harder by people who think that the
polyamorous are different. I think this is a very relevant discussion
for this list -- _pace_ Christina Della Maggiora, this is definitely a
place to discuss what might make us uncomfortable about living in
community with others.

I'm not out about my polyamorous desires within my cohousing group,
partly because I'm not acting on them at the moment and I don't feel
the community wants to deal with it as a theoretical problem. I know a
great many of my neighbors would be comfortable with me talking about
it, but I believe others wouldn't. And that means I end up hiding it
from some of them, because I don't see the value in fighting that
fight right now. If I were bringing someone home on a regular basis,
it would be different.

And why, pray tell, are those who are (responsibly) promiscuous not
acceptable? And how do you define "promiscuous"? Anyone who sleeps
with more people than you do?

Cheers,
Tom




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