Cohousing-L Mailing List: Something faster and easier than consensus?

[Matt Kramer (mkramer]

In response to Becky Schaller's question, I would like to respond as a
mediator - our community of 30 households has been meeting for several years
but we're not moving in to our new homes in Cotati for another three weeks,
so I cannot respond in terms of five years or more of living together.

As a mediator, I have identified two, maybe three, different types of
personalities in the communication process. There are those who want to be
sure that they are thoroughly understood; they will consume large quantities
of time covering issues in a detailed way or, if their nature is such that
they do not feel heard, they will repeat themselves a lot.

At the other extreme is the person who wants to say little and make
decisions quickly, displaying great impatience as a dialogue continues
longer than they feel is necessary.

The possible third would be the person in between, willing to listen a
little longer than the impatient one and, at the same time, has a sense of
people's styles and inclinations and with experience of the nature of the
group, can move fairly quickly through issues.

Thorough communication takes time, much more time than a dialogue motivated
and controlled by a dominant personality. When we try to rush decisions in
general, we increase the potential for discord and conflict. Those who
process more slowly may feel insecure about revealing themselves to be
undecided in the face of a motivated group who has come to a decision and is
pressing to get the meeting finished so they can move on with their lives.
The slower processors may initially accommodate but suppressed expression of
one's needs will eventually come out and make itself known in some way,
usually in a negative fashion.

It's important that the community has at least a few people trained to
facilitate the consensus process efficiently. I've also found that the color
card system is a great timesaver in the consensus process, i.e., people
waving white cards communicate instantly without interrupting the dialogue.

That being said, I would very much also like to hear how communities who
have been together for a number of years have evolved with their decision
making processes - does something exist that allows all members to
participate fully in a way that is less time intensive than consensus?

Matt Kramer
(from the as yet un-named co-housing community moving into Cotati)


Becky wrote:
From: Becky Schaller <bschaller [at] theriver.com>
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Subject: [C-L]_Consensus in cohousing
Reply-To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org

I've been thinking about consensus in cohousing communities and wondering if
it really is the best form of decision making.   I think it is part of the
definition of cohousing, but I still wonder.  What I see is sometimes large
numbers of people coming together who probably don't have much background in
consensus decision making.  They have varying degrees of time and
commitment.   It's not uncommon for people to want decisions to be made in a
timely manner.

I've also heard that for Quakers the faith component is a crucial part of
consensus.  Cohousing does not have this.

We have thirty-six households; we're finishing up three years of living
together; and we're still working on how to live by consensus.  Even simply
working out the decision making process seems to take a lot of work.

So my question is, How does consensus decision making work in communities
which have been in existence for some time?

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