Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: feeling shame/guilt

[Racheli Gai (racheli]

Liz wrote (in part):

>I'm not sure why you've brought this whole guilt/shame angle into the
>conversation at all, Racheli. I feel that people are bringing a lot of
>cultural baggage into this discussion that is unnecessarily demeaning
>about poor people. I know of nobody in my community who is ashamed of
>being poorer than anyone else here.

Liz, first of all, I just brought it as a theoretical possiblity.  I
didn't say that I know people who feel that way, I was saying that this
is, on the conceptual level, a possibility.

[On a personal note: I know, BTW, what it is to be "poor" (compared to 
others who have more).  As a growing child and teen ager, I DID feel 
embarassment about this.  Ideally, I shouldn't have, but I did.   So, when
I bring this as a possibility, it's somewhat out of my own past
experience].

R.



>Let's say a community has decided they want a hot tub. Many people in
>Southside Park Cohousing would like one, me included. But it's the sort
>of thing that people who are afraid to spend money really don't like
>buying, so it gets put down the list every year. If a group got together
>and purchased a hot tub, we'd all love the hot tub in and of itself. I'd
>be in it right now, instead of tediously explaining this over and over
>again.

>What I would object to is that other projects would be left undone. If,
>for instance, everyone also wanted an arbor for shade, but there was
>nobody willing to pay for it out of pocket, and the three poorest
>families really wanted it, it would still not get done. Those three
>families did not get what was really important to them, because the group
>never prioritized it, and they don't have the resources to gift it to the
>community.

>Suppose that, eventually, those three families leave the community. They
>just never felt that they fit in, and that their needs weren't being met.
>They never told the community that this is how they felt, because they
>didn't really understand why themselves. But the truth is, they didn't
>feel as if their opinions mattered as much as others' did. It's not
>hit-one-over-the-head obvious. It's the chilling effect of subtle
>discrimination. 

>I'd love to give you specific real examples, but I can't. Our community
>doesn't buy things in this way, so I don't know for certain what the
>results would be. All I know is that it's unfair. If everyone in every
>other cohousing group wants to allow large gifts from members of the
>community, then that is their choice.



-- 
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racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)
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