Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: [C-L] Children [Was Teenagers and their connections]

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On 3/18/04 9:58 PM, "Elaine" <itchyink [at] spiritone.com> wrote:

> I'm glad the issue of children in cohousing has come up because, as a mother
> of a three year old and not quite one year old, i feel some anxiety living
> in cohousing. I moved in pregnant and am now pretty busy and am just not
> contributing as much to the community. Nobody is pressuring me, but i feel
> bad about my weak participation. I underestimated how much work was
> involved. I do what i can where i can but it seems the moms in the community
> pretty much just benefit or work for each other. Maybe that's good enough?

Having kids in the community is good enough for a long time! We love our
children and are very happy that there are  moms willing and able to have
them. I think everyone understands that this time of your life is totally
consumed. 

One thing you might think about is widely sharing your children. We have
several small ones, all born after we moved in and I share two of them --
all I can handle. They are in my flat almost every day, sometimes all day. I
started out charging for babysitting but now do it gratis because I love it
and have to  limit the time I spend so I can get other things done. I also
watch these children so their parents can attend team meetings.

Parents have different comfort levels with their children being in other
people's homes. Some like one or two people at most to watch their child and
others will let them stay with anyone the child is comfortable with. One of
our households puts out an email saying "Who wants Louie time on Sunday
while we childproof our house" or "Who wants Louie time this weekend -- I'll
be at a conference and Tom will need relief." Then people fight over Louie.
He happens to be a very gregarious and rambunctious 18 month old who knows
everyone here and is happy where ever he is -- other children are more
cautious even though they have grown up here too.

We had two with a nannie in our commonhouse for almost two years and
everyone loved it. Just walking through to say good morning was a daily
activity for many who did not otherwise have contact or even interest in
children. Now some of us are entertaining thoughts of how to have a small
daycare center here.

> Also, is it just us or is it hard to attract families with children (or
> planning to have children) to cohousing? Seems to be filled more with middle
> aged and retired people, who are all quite valuable, but i wonder why
> families aren't as interested.

It's hard for families to see beyond their noses when they have small
children. They get settled into schools, etc. and can't handle the thought
of changing. They don't often have the "extra" cash required to put out
$5,000-$10,000 that is sitting as a down-payment for the day when the
project finally gets built. They have NO time for all the meetings.

We started with 3 children which grew to 6 when a family with three joined
about 6 months after move-in. 3 years after move-in we have 12 with three on
the way and 4 adoptions in progress. If we had more large units we would
have more--one renting family just had to move elsewhere because they needed
space. Many of the adults who now have children, many of them single, moved
in with the idea of having or adopting children but only three of the
current 43 households had children when they moved in.

The pet population, on the other hand, has dwindled significantly as
households have not replaced pets who died.

Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org

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