Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: shared work agreements in cohousing communities

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

Tree had many excellent ideas.  I would add this question to the mix: Are
you happy and content with your contributions to the community?  This
focus's on the personal expectations for self, and gets away from energy
about somebody else. If I am not happy because I am doing too much, or too
little, then I am the one who needs to self adjust, and who knows my life
and schedule better than me? If I am not happy because I don't think YOU are
living up to what I expect, then this is a symptom of a broader problem
beyond  the topic of work. To quote a marvelous wisdom I once saw posted
above the door of a community center in some community I once visited: I did
not move here to live up to your expectations, and you should not feel you
have to live up to mine, and in working together we will find a way to get
it done.

I bring this up because sometimes people damage others with the
expectations of equality. If I like doing landscape work, and you restrict
my ability to do so in the name of equality, then you hurt both me and the
community. In my experience, work equality is not as desirable as happiness
and contentment. If I am happy doing many hours of landscaping, it is not in
anyway a reasonable expectation that YOU should be happy doing as many hours
as I do. Nor should I expect you to. Your happiness lies within you to
decide and make happen.

And of course, the supportive environment of taking notice, giving thanks
and appreciation builds a much different community than the one full  of
blaming, peer pressure, and negative comments.

I have the great good fortune to live in the former type of community, and
in response I freely  today spent 3 hours of my very limited time doing
community work, entirely of my own accord and desire. My work was noticed
and appreciated although in one case no one knew it was me who did the task.
This kind of self reinforcing system does not get everything done, but it
does make people in general feel a high level of satisfaction and
contentment about work, and living in community. And that feeling is much
more important, in my opinion, than getting everything done.

The rocks of discontentment and unhappiness are sharp, and many a community
has floundered and sank itself from too many holes in the fabric of their
connections.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood Community
South Snohomish County at the headwaters of Ricci Creek
Sky Valley Environments  <http://www.nonprofitpages.com/nica/SVE.htm>
Field skills training for student naturalists
Floriferous [at] msn.com