Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Re: "Sexuality" in Co-housing

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Mar 12, 2006, at 9:08 PM, Amy Gahran wrote:

> This brings up a question I have. Generally, are non-monogamous
> relationship/family structures accepted well in cohousing communities?

There was a huge discussion about poly relationships on the list about 
6 (?) years ago so check the archives.

Basically, after living in cohousing for 6 years with every kind of 
relationship I can think of including poly, the main issue for most 
people is _discretion_ about sexual relationships in general.

Cohousing is a multigenerational community that is more child centered 
(not just child friendly) than many. Thus blatant, obvious sexual 
behavior and discussion and jokes are inappropriate. Parties in the 
commonhouse are like family gatherings. It just isn't comfortable in 
those settings to parade through your most recent (and temporary) 
lover. Cohousing is about long term relationships, not bar or bed 
hopping.

We have not had problems with anything here and have gone through at 
least three partnerings and break ups of community members dating and 
co-habitating with each other, one lesbian marriage, several gay lovers 
appearing and disappearing. The only concerns I heard expressed related 
to condom wrappers and underwear found in the commonhouse one morning, 
and one gay man with teenaged children bringing a series of lovers. The 
poly relationship was both the most acknowledged and  the most 
discrete. If it hadn't been disclosed when one of the partners joined 
the group, most of us would never have tumbled to it. (They have since 
joined other partners and left the area.)

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org