Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Standing exclusive-group dinners vs standing community-group dinners

[Dave and Diane (daveanddee]

Hi all,

I don't think the way this question was question was originally posed  
is entirely accurate. The question was "whether this is correlation  
or causality?"  I don't think it's either. I am from the same  
cohousing community as the original writer.

I think the community group dinners atrophied for the same reasons  
Bryan wrote about below:
On Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:42:32 -0700 Bryan Bowen wrote:

> We're also hoping that the club approach will help us overcome some  
> of our
> recurring issues:  kids eating earlier, commuters eating later,  
> dietary
> preferences (rarely an issue for us), more gourmet meals, quiet  
> meals, or
> themed meals.


The reason the exclusive-group dinner is limited is because 10  
households is the upper limit of what the group members can handle.  
Also, there is currently no cooking team clamoring to use the common  
house on Wednesday nights. If there were, the private dinner group  
would cede the space. They have not "booked" the common house, which  
means that any group who wants to use the room can override them.

In a way, the private group, (which some of us have laughingly called  
the "Secret Dining Society" or "SDS") is similar to the "Soup or  
Simple" group that I learned about when I was at Takoma Village a few  
years ago. The only difference is the lack of a re-enrollment period.

Another difference in the "SDS" group is that most of them are meat- 
eaters, and the common dinners are usually vegetarian (although they  
will often have a meat alternative.)

The big group dinners are a lot of work to plan, prepare, serve, and  
clean up. My husband was on once of these teams for a weekly  
community dinner for a year, and it was a huge headache. He took on  
the responsibility of being the group leader and making sure all the  
roles were filled. This is a lot more work than the original writer  
seems to realize.

My thinking about large community dinners has evolved over the seven  
years I have lived at Jamaica Plain Cohousing. Before move-in I was  
really looking forward to them. Now I often dread them. They are  
noisy, crowded, and rarely meet my dietary needs. Instead of grasping  
at something that doesn't seem to work out that well, I have started  
a new idea--inviting people that I rarely see over to my house for  
dinner. They either bring their own dinner or have what I am serving.  
I get to talk one-on-one with someone I rarely see in a quiet,  
peaceful, and relaxing environment.

Every group has to experiment and figure out what works best for  
them. The key is sustainability. The large group dinners are not  
sustainable, and that is the reason they repeatedly attrish.

Diane Simpson
Jamaica Plain Cohousing
Boston, MA


> In your experience, do standing exclusive-group dinners inhibit the
> growth of standing community-group dinners?
>
> Some definitions:
> * EXCLUSIVE-GROUP DINNERS are cooked by and serve only the members of
> the group and their guests. Nonmembers can attend if they bring their
> own dinner, but they are not served by the group. Group membership is
> controlled by the group.
> * COMMUNITY-GROUP DINNERS are cooked by a group of community members.
> The group is open to any community member, and the group serves any
> and all who sign up in advance.
>
> At the 30-household Jamaica Plain cohousing, we've have a standing
> 10-household exclusive-group dinner group for about 4 years. During
> this time, our standing community-group dinners have attrished
> repeatedly.
>
> Any thoughts on whether this is correlation or causality?
>
> Assume that both kinds of group cook equally well.