Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any?

[Mary Baker, Solid Communications (mary]

I agree with your comments on the positive aspects of management. I think where 
we differ is on the definition of conflict.

>>But how can conflict not be healthy? It arises when one person 
>>wants/believes/needs this and another wants/believes/needs that. If there 
>>were not conflict, there would be no health. No diversity. No questioning. 
>>Only adapting and conforming.


I do believe that learning to resolve conflict can be healthy and empowering, 
and I discuss that at the beginning of the workbook, but developing new 
strengths and skills still does not make a toxic situation healthy. Generally, 
when I’m talking about conflict, I am not referring to dissension, objection, 
protesting, doubt, withholding, pouting or even the occasional prima donna 
temper tantrum. If you look at the definition of conflict in Merriam-Webster, 
you’ll see words like war, battle, struggle for power, aggression, antagonism, 
anger, dramatic action. 

But I also spend some time talking about boundaries and how even some simple 
things like having a family member never really listen to you can, over time, 
become a draining emotional burden. So it isn’t really the size and the scope 
that matters, it’s the fact that it’s a situation that has become in some way 
toxic.

Mary