Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: child raising brochure clarification

[Diana Carroll (dianaecarroll]

Carol notes about her own community:

"2 households left (in part) from feeling like other parents were not
supervising their children"
and
"they didn't like others in the community pointing out the destruction
their children were doing"

This is very judgemental language and I'm betting those families would
use *very
*different words to describe what went on. Sure, I've felt that way and
I've used those words in private conversation or discussion with my own
community, but if you are proposing to discuss general guidelines or
experiences of parenting in cohousing, snapping back at families whose
parenting-in-community approaches are not compatible with yours is not a
good way to start.

It might be helpful to articulate how you think those families would have
described that situation, what words they would have used.

Diana
Mosaic Commons, Berlin, MA


On Tue, Apr 6, 2021 at 11:46 AM CJ Q <homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi again,
> Let me explain why I thought of this idea.  So far the ideas are perfect
> and exactly what is needed - ideas and thoughts about kids and families in
> Cohousing and common grounds.
> Laird has an example in his blog that one community had problems with
> neighboring kids using their playground equipment and he points out they
> hadn't made expectations for any kids. He seems to be a big proponent of
> making agreements and expectations about a lot of things before conflicts
> occur.
> I keep seeing some marketing from a forming group about how wonderful child
> raising is in cohousing. I admire their idealism but the fact is that
> having a lot of young children can cause conflicts over expectations on
> their behaviors in common areas (not on how people parent or deal with it,
> but what does the community want or expect living together).
>
> In my experience, 2 households left (in part) from feeling like other
> parents were not supervising their children and trying to stop a specific
> horrible behavior).  Another family had similar concerns but also the
> balance of raising their kids and time in cohousing. The other family I"m
> not sure exactly why they are leaving but I think they didn't like others
> in the community pointing out the destruction their children were doing to
> others and private and community property.  Another person left for noise
> reasons which were not exactly children but they never went to a common
> meal because the children were running around and too loud.
> So, I just would love to tell this forming community that it is wonderful
> to market to young families but for  all members to have realistic
> expectations and to discuss what may come up and the more beforehand the
> better. One reason I loved the idea of cohousing was to raise my children
> and I wanted them to get to know neighbors of all ages, but how the whole
> community reacted (or under - acted) made us up end our lives and move
> again.  Maybe it is unavoidable and I"m just un realistic and people will
> move no matter what since living with others and their expectations was
> harder than anyone expected.
>
> Thanks again,
> Carol
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