Re: child raising brochure clarification
From: Sharon Villines (
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2021 13:49:44 -0700 (PDT)
> On Apr 6, 2021, at 3:19 PM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at]> 
> wrote:
> "2 households left (in part) from feeling like other parents were not 
> supervising their children” and "they didn't like others in the community 
> pointing out the destruction their children were doing"
> This is very judgemental language and I'm betting those families would
> use *very *different words to describe what went on. Sure, 

Why is it judgmental? It’s stated as a description of what happened—it may be 
wrong but it isn’t making value judgements. 

I’ve been surprised at how unwilling parents are to correct behavior that is 
not okay with other parents who don’t want their children to imitate it — 
jumping and climbing on furniture in the living room, for example. Running and 
yelling through dinner. Playing with the foam bullet guns in the common house 
and where young children are playing. 

Some parents think children should be allowed to make noise because children 
“need" to do it. It is an expression of their inner being. And the parents have 
a liberating parenting style that will produce free and happy adults.

These are isolated instances and other parents and adults do step in and 
discuss the problem, how others feel about what is happening. And many children 
listen to other adults, not just their parents. They get the message that it 
may be okay to jump on furniture at home but not in the CH.

In general we have a culture that discourages doing things that other people 
find disturbing, but I can think of only one household that may have moved 
because of expectations of children. I think they misunderstood when we said 
that behavior in the common house affects everyone and everyone should be 
involved in determining what is acceptable. Their child was too young to have 
done anything objectionable.

We’ve had teens with serious acting out issues that everyone has worked through 
with the parents and the children came out the other end as good community 

One advantage of children is that they outgrow it. Just at the point that you 
begin thinking this has to stop, they got into the next phase.

Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC

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