Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Balancing Children and Creating Cohousing

[Bitner/Stevenson (lilbert]

Having joined my group only a few months before move-in, I didn't go through
all the years of work- although there was plenty of work for me to do, since
everyone was burned out!

I have a couple of suggestions, which may seem radical, but keep an open
mind:

1) Quit the group. Especially if it is going along well without you, it
could be time to step back from it. If your group has some form of
quasi-membership, like a wait list or people who are kept abreast of
developments, but are not required to be at meetings, then do that. You can
then rejoin the group before move in. It sounds like a cop-out, but I can
guarantee that they will prize the energy you bring back to the group later,
after you are recharged and they are burned out. As an aside, when I remind
people that I only joined a few months before move-in, they are always
surprised, and say that they feel like I was a member forever. Maybe you'll
miss a few decisions that you'd like to change, but chances are it won't be
a big deal, and you'll be every bit a part of the community as everyone
else.

2) Move. Find a group with a unit for sale, or join a group in the last
stages of development. Many of the traumas of moving to a new city are gone
when you have a built-in neighborhood and a bunch of new friends. And if you
find something within driving distance of your old friends, so much the
better. I made more friends within the first month of living in Sacramento
than in all the years I lived in San Francisco.

I would  also echo Denise's advice. "One suggestion I would make is this:
get some professional help (I recommend Rob Sandelin) for your group's
decision making and meeting processes." I can't emphasize how right on this
is. So many good people have left groups, and groups have disbanded because
nobody wanted to admit they could use help.
--
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing

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>

>> it takes to create cohousing. We don't even have a site yet. I have a
>> 3-year old son and keep wondering whether it be better to forget about
>> cohousing for now and spend more time with him.
>
>
> We really only pulled back when
>
> 1) the group was well on its way
> 2) other new blood stepped in with a lot of energy
> 3) both of us were hopelessly burnt out and just didn't care what
> decisions got made as long as the thing got built.