Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Balancing Children and Creating Cohousing

[Sharon Villines (sharonvillines]

One of the things I value about my life is that as a child I worked 
alongside adults and had a very different experience than children who are
treated as children. I was expected to dust, set the table, change diapers,
weed the lawn, and later at school to work in the registrar's office, the
library, and the fundraising events. It was so much less isolating and I had
a much more realistic view of what makes a school work and how work gets
done. I had a lot more fun and suffered much less from peer pressure,
because it allowed me to see a much larger world than my peer group.

I find it very strange when children are isolated from activities. When
instead of approaching every event with a planned work activity for each age
group, a sitter is hired for the children who have a separate playroom. Or
are left at home with a sitter. Or even the parents stay home because it is
past the child's bedtime (on non school nights).

My children loved going to sleep at other people's houses and waking up at
home. And they did it a lot. As a child my parents couldn't afford sitters
so if they went anywhere we went too. It made us very adaptable.

Children were included in meetings when we planned a cooperative school.
They learned how to listen and raise their hands to speak. At the age of
four my daughter explained very clearly why the little kids classroom
shouldn't be in a particular room down a "long, long, long" hallway.

They loved the tasks of handing people nails, painting walls, holding tools,
and talking to someone besides their parents about themselves. And having
the children present made all of us slow down a little and enjoy the task
instead of just getting it done.

At eighteen months my son appointed himself traffic director at an apple
picking event and told everyone where to go next--I mean this is a job he
could do sitting in a stroller! At age two he took charge of the door at an
evening reception for parents at the school, opening and closing it for
people arriving with their arms full of packages, food, and children. He
stood there like it was Buckingham Palace. I have no idea where he learned
about doormen. He created both these jobs himself because he saw they needed
doing and he could do them and it was fun for him at that age.

With complete understanding that children do not belong in all places at all
times, maybe sometimes when activities are too boring for kids, we need to
think twice about why and  how we are doing them.

Sharon Villines
Synergy Cohousing
http://www.cohousing.net