Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Teens

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

Most of what happens with teens time will not be determined by the spaces
you create but by the people they attach themselves to. On random weekend
nights the teens here at Sharingwood take over the whole commonhouse, play
music loudly, watch movies, etc. They often bring friends over to hang out
for the weekend.

Since the commonhouse is a very public place, and people can and do wander
in and out regularily, even at midnight, the parents have some sense of
security, at least more so than if the place was not public. This lack of
privacy does really annoy at least two of them, the two oldest, and the
oldest is able to drive away, and does so pretty much at every opportunity.

Adults  have various opportunities to interact with teens, and for a teen,
having a non-parental adult they can talk with can be a very wonderful
thing. It is however, a trust that is delicate and difficult at times.


The 6 teens in my community are somewhat orphaned, they show no interest in
any adult activities, and of course, little kids are not exactly any too
cool to hang with. There is also a social barrier between themselves
somewhat as well due to differences in interests, backgrounds and such. One
teen in particular, who is the son of a single mom, seems to be pretty much
completely abandoned. He  is usually sullen and monosyllabic in his
relations with adults, and the other teens do not associate with him much
because he smokes, and hangs out "with the wrong crowd", has troubles in
school, courts, etc. This is unfortunate, to say the least, but there is a
limited amount of energy and ability of other adults, and after the third or
fourth attempt to engage ends up being rebuffed, the tendency is shrug and
say, Hey I tried. Since he spends almost all his time plugged in to various
computer/tv/entertainment devices he is pretty much a non-entity. In fact,
some folks moved in and it was 6 months before they knew he lived here.

Kids do not choose to live here, that choice is made for them by their
parents. Sometimes they don't like that choice. As community members, they
have few expectations upon them other than those imposed by their parents.
It would be very cool to have them more involved in community activities,
but they seldom choose to do so without major arm twisting etc. from their
parents. But then again, the community activities seldom typically oriented
towards little kids, or adults.

Rob Sandelin
Northwest Intentional Communties Association
Building a better society, one neighborhood at a time