Cohousing-L Mailing List: Hanging out together

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

There is great value that comes from being together. Meals are a simple way
to be together on a regular basis that is purely social. Parties are another
way to be together. Community circles are yet another. Each has its own
dynamic and provides a different vibe.

I do not participate in group meals in my community but I often show up and
sit  with folks and hang out. I also help out with the work sometimes, even
though I don't eat the food, just because I want to.

So in my experience, making time and ways to be together, whether that's
sitting around the dinner table, or listening to a book reading, making
decisions about how to live together, or Sunday morning around the paper, or
in celebration of events, are prime time for community.

Many communities have an after dinner hangout time. The cards come out, the
chess sets, the magazines, the sewing circles, etc. For  those who don't and
can't be there for the meal, they should be  welcomed to the hang out  time
after dinner. I once visited a community where hanging  out was actually a
requirement! You were expected to attend 2 hours a week of social time. And
there was a person in charge of keeping track of people who were missing and
outreaching to them.

If your meals are too utilitarian, e.g., people arrive 2 minutes before the
meal, and leave immediately after, you might try having a Wednesday night
hangout after dinner to see if you can get people to linger.

Rob Sandelin
Community Works!

-----Original Message-----
From: cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org
[mailto:cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org]On Behalf Of Rowenahc
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2001 4:23 AM
To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
Subject: RE: RE: [C-L]_Value of Eating/Cooking together




-

cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org writes:
>  If not enough people want to cook,
>I question the value of eating together.

For some reason, that just made me sit up and say "damn straight!"  I
think it cuts to the heart of what a lot of the debate has been about.
Assuming that common meals are essential to the cohousing group (and this
assumption has recently and trenchantly called into question) I would
suspect that in any group that is having to coerce people into cooking the
problem is not labor distribution, but either a) a lack of a shared
agreement about the value of eating together, or b) a lack of
understanding about the amount of labor necessary to produce common meals.


For a variety of reasons such as running out of money before the kitchen
equipment was bought, Cambridge Cohousing started off three years ago having
only a weekly pot luck and an ocasional meal which a devoted cadre cooked at
home and packed in to the common house.   Even after we got the stove
installed we continued this not too intense pattern for a couple of years.
Then, about a year ago, a Meals Committee formed itself, designed a signup
for cooking and cleaning three days a week for ten weeks and urged everyone
to participate.  We figured that if most people signed up for three work
teams during the ten week period that would cover it.  Well, they did and it
worked out.   We've been doing it now for about a year - every ten weeks the
board goes up in the lobby.  The meals are first rate but more than that it
has been a tremendous community booster.   Not only do we sit down with each
other in a social situation several times a week but the cooking itself is
enjoyable and a bonding experience.  Not everyone can manage the three work
days but most do. We realize now that it was a grave error not to get the
meals going earlier.   Yes, there are some who choose not to participate
but, you know what, that's their loss!  By the way no one here thinks of
cooking as women's work - several of our most devoted cooks are men!

Rowenahc [at] cs.com

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