Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Giving or Taking

[Shelly Demeo (shelldemeo]

Hello group--

I do not live in cohousing, but I liked the way one group set up the child
care issue.

At the meeting they would pass around a donation box and anyone who
voluntarily wanted to contribute to the child care could.  The parents of
the kids would split the balance owed after the donations.

I have kids and our group pays for child care right now at the meetings, in
the hopes of attracting more children.  I don't feel completely comfortable
with it.  I like people to have the option of contributing money for the
babysitter....or not.  I think that cuts down on resentments.

-Shelly DeMeo
Greater Hartford Cohousing
----- Original Message -----
From: "Becky Schaller" <bschaller [at] theriver.com>
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Monday, October 01, 2001 9:35 PM
Subject: [C-L]_Giving or Taking


> I'm finding myself in a strange situation and I'd like to hear how others
> have dealt with similar situations.  As you read this message, it may look
> like an issue about whether a community should pay for child care or not.
> Although I have no control over how people may respond to this, I do want
to
> make it clear that that is not the issue I'd like addressed.
>
> What I'm asking for is people's experience in being willing to give
someone
> something until it's demanded that you give that same thing to them.
>
> We are discussing whether or not the community should continue to pay for
> child care during general meetings. We did when we were in the planning
and
> building stages.  We've continued to do so after moving in.  However, we
> didn't budget for it in the HOA.
>
> Several months ago we discussed this issue.  It was such an easy issue
then.
> People who weren't parents were wanting to contribute and many parents
> thought it was their responsibility to do so but were delighted that so
many
> people wanted to contribute.   We were just getting a feel for what people
> thought at that point and we did not make any decision.
>
> Since then, I'm not exactly sure what happened.  Well, one thing that
> happened is that we now owe the HOA about $800 since we've been paying for
> child care out of the HOA and there is no budget item for child care at
this
> point.
>
> When we discussed the issue several months ago, I was happy to contribute.
> Like I said, many others were also.  But since then, I've heard some
parents
> talking like the community should be paying for childcare during meetings.
>
> And I've noticed that several of us have responded to these commnets in a
> way I hadn't previously thought of.  While we're more than willing to
> contribute money, we don't want people to demand it of us.
>
> One man, who does not have children, even put out an email clearly stating
> that while he wanted to contribute to child care costs,  he was also
wanting
> a sense of appreciation from the parents instead of a sense of
entitlement.
> I clearly hear that from some parents, but I also continue to hear other
> parents talk about child care during meetings as their right.
>
> The difference may seem subtle, but for me it's about giving the money
> because this is something I choose to do or giving the money because I'm
> irresponsible or even bad if I don't.
>
> I don't remember the scene very well. But I think about the scene in Les
> Miserables where the police return to the priest's house with the thief.
> They asked if the silver which the thief had taken had belonged to the
> priest.  I don't remember exactly what the priest said, but to the thief,
he
> did say something like, "You forgot these.  These also belong to you."
And
> the priest gave the thief the priest's sterling candlesticks.
>
> Vague as my memory is, I have thought about that scene a lot.  My
conclusion
> is that that priest is much more enlightened than I am.
>
>
>
> I'm really not asking for advice about whether the community should be
> paying for child care.  What I'm asking for is people's advice or
experience
> in being willing to give someone something until they demand that you give
> that same thing to them.  I can't help but think this dynamic has come up
in
> other communities and will come up again in ours.
>
> Becky Schaller
> Sonora Cohousing
> Tucson, AZ
>
> _______________________________________________
> Cohousing-L mailing list
> Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
> http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l