Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Giving or Taking

[Michael D (ohanamd]

> The content of the
> proposed rules seemed to create less controversy than the simple words,
"It
> is proposed that the following become a house rule."

I wonder how much of the problem is the word "rule" and the connotations it
has for people.  Most people hold "rules" to be something their parents or
teachers imposed upon them without their consent.

I also wonder if people would react the same way if you only called them
"agreements" instead (as you did later in the post).  The connotation for
many people is more of something they've had input into and have chosen to
comply with.

In my opinion, people who resist agreements aren't ready for community,
family, or relationships, because they only work when there are clear
agreements that everyone adheres to.

One important agreement is what work is important to the community and what
isn't.

Another opinion: There's no point in planning to build, let alone building
or moving in, until the group has a set of agreements that everyone is
comfortable with and will comply with consistently.  Then only people who
are comfortable with those agreements would be permitted in later.

A difficulty I have with cohousing as I often see it operating is that many
of the people involved are more concerned with housing than with community.
Community is based on communication, listening, respect, agreements,
sharing, cooperation, and other qualities of thriving relationships, not on
how close people live to each other or how often they see each other.

Namaste,
Michael
Heart Song Community
Santa Fe, NM


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