Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Kids and decision making...

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

> 
> A Dad chimes in:
> 
> My oldest daughter, now ten, I have raised with the utmost care and respect
> for her concerns, intellect and individuality. Kids may be ignorant, but
> they ARE intelligent. "Because I say so" was never an adequate explanation
> for a decision, as far as I am concerned. When it was necessary to compel
> compliance, I made sure that there was an explainable reason. As an example,
> when she was a toddler, I did not force any foods on her, did not make it a
> power struggle, and now she is an even more adventurous gourmand than I am.
> She has foods she prefers, even some that I don't like, but by treating her
> with respect, I have encouraged her to confidence, responsibility and
> respect for others. Her favourites are mangoes, artichokes and (fresh - only
> fresh) brussels sprouts [rosenkohl "rose cabbage" in German). And not just
> in food. She is the natural leader of her peer groups, and is supremely
> popular, especially with kids that would otherwise be marginalized by
> cliquish intolerance.
> 
> So I would definitely say SHE deserves to be included in decisions that
> concern her and that the is interested in.

And another child would NOT deserve to be included? Forgive my bluntness
here, George, but I'm not inclined to listen to someone who just wrote a
completely irrelevant paragraph about how perfect his child is. And I have
more news for you, it's not because you are a perfect parent. As the mother
of a child with an autism-spectrum disorder, I have a unique perspective on
this, from the other side. My child has very undesirable behaviors that are
not my fault, so I tend to think of children as mostly coming out the way
they are going to come out, with parents being more of a guide to them
rather than forming their personalities. What does your child being a
gourmand have to do with the price of tea in China, anyway? Supremely
popular? Gag me with a phrase, George. Spare me your snobby verbosity.
> 
> She is very mature for her age, and deserves priviledges, and I would never
> think of excluding her from any decision that concerns her. At Songaia, she
> and I have been the advocates for the children's interests. Not the
> parent's, but the children's. The kids wanted some kind of play-house or
> fort there; they found a disused trailer (sort of like a "U-Haul"), and set
> up shop in it as their "Secret Place." I saw nothing wrong with this, and
> kept their confidence when they showed it to me. One of the other adults
> eventually found out about it, and immediately put a lock on it, depriving
> the kids of all their "treasures," with no possibility of appeal.
(etc, etc,.)

 But now, they
> still don't have the play house, and complain to me, and there is nothing I
> can do to help them. They feel they were lied to.

> 
> George S. Krasle

Again, George, you are coming to the list for validation of your victimhood,
and this time I am not so inclined to be gentle. What is it that you are
looking for? Do you want us to say, "Gosh George, your community is so
awful, you are perfectly right in anything you decide to do about it"? This
is a matter for your conflict resolution committee, or some such internal
group. We haven't the tools to mediate disputes on this list, or to figure
out why you want to keep posting manipulative treatises on how bad Songaia
is. It is hurtful to them and boring to me.

Stop wasting our time.

-- 
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento California
tamgoddess [at] attbi.com


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