Cohousing-L Mailing List: Kids and decision making...

[George Krasle (GSKrasle]

A Dad chimes in:

My oldest daughter, now ten, I have raised with the utmost care and respect
for her concerns, intellect and individuality. Kids may be ignorant, but
they ARE intelligent. "Because I say so" was never an adequate explanation
for a decision, as far as I am concerned. When it was necessary to compel
compliance, I made sure that there was an explainable reason. As an example,
when she was a toddler, I did not force any foods on her, did not make it a
power struggle, and now she is an even more adventurous gourmand than I am.
She has foods she prefers, even some that I don't like, but by treating her
with respect, I have encouraged her to confidence, responsibility and
respect for others. Her favourites are mangoes, artichokes and (fresh - only
fresh) brussels sprouts [rosenkohl "rose cabbage" in German). And not just
in food. She is the natural leader of her peer groups, and is supremely
popular, especially with kids that would otherwise be marginalized by
cliquish intolerance.

So I would definitely say SHE deserves to be included in decisions that
concern her and that the is interested in.

She is very mature for her age, and deserves priviledges, and I would never
think of excluding her from any decision that concerns her. At Songaia, she
and I have been the advocates for the children's interests. Not the
parent's, but the children's. The kids wanted some kind of play-house or
fort there; they found a disused trailer (sort of like a "U-Haul"), and set
up shop in it as their "Secret Place." I saw nothing wrong with this, and
kept their confidence when they showed it to me. One of the other adults
eventually found out about it, and immediately put a lock on it, depriving
the kids of all their "treasures," with no possibility of appeal. This upset
them, and me. She and her friends came to me, asking if I would provide them
with a play house (the old treehouse, I had explained, was terribly
dangerous, and I asked them not to use it). By this time, I was having
difficulties myself (being denied opportunity to introduce proposals, denied
discussion of ones that WERE allowed on the agenda, or having any such
discussions accidentally omitted from the minutes if they did make it to the
floor). I told them that I probably could not help them, but that they
should write up a proposal and present it at a meeting. I showed them some
books with plans for such things (I have a lot of material on gardening with
children and landscape architecture and gardening), and lent them some, but
did not otherwise help. At the next meeting, they came in, but were
"dismissed" by the leader. I intervened, asking that they be allowed to
remain, and this was grudgingly accepted. They sat politely, and then, when
the opportunity was provided, announced that they had a proposal. Again, I
intervened to ask that they be heard. They had prepared (in crayon!) the
proposal that is transcribed (without pictures) below, and stood up and read
it, answered questions, and were again told to leave. Again I asked that
their effort be respected, and that the proposal be considered. The leader
responded that he would allow no such thing on the budget (I and the father
of one of the other kids replied that, in that case, WE would pay for the
materials). "Well then they damn well better learn how to nail; there will
be no work party." It was agreed that the money and work would be provided
by the two parents present, and by any others interested. But now, they
still don't have the play house, and complain to me, and there is nothing I
can do to help them. They feel they were lied to.


WENDY HOUSE
By Risa, Natasha, Alaina and Lucy

Since we would definetly like a place of  our own, we have decided that we
would like a "wendy house", a small playhouse that we have seen in a book.
It is only about 9 ft. long, so we think it would fit in the place we have
chosen for it. The place is under a tree by Natasha's house, under the tree
house in it. The tree is right outside the common house window, so that
grownups can watch over us without bothering us.  We would really like this,
and hope we can have it.

[This is the book the idea came from:
Creating a Family Garden  Guinness, Bunny  0 7153 0422 41996

The girls would do as much of the work of design and construction as they
are able.  Adult(s) should be assigned to supervise and help. [ The house is
basically made of plywood and will require some work with a jigsaw.]]

George S. Krasle
_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l