Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Lesbians and gays in cohousing -- Pattee

[Christopher Moss (chris]

What does ones sexual preference have to do where one lives?

----- Original Message -----
From: "Sharon Villines" <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>
To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2002 10:01 AM
Subject: Re: [C-L]_Lesbians and gays in cohousing -- Pattee


> I was going to reply to the question about lesbians and gays in the
> cohousing off list because this subject gets very hot and I don't  have
time
> to respond just now. But I decided to post it publicly because there are
> others out there with this question who are not as comfortable asking it.
>
> People take up arms in favor of gays, etc. and see negative remarks where
> there are none intended. There are none intended here and if you see any,
> please keep quiet about it because I'm not going to address them.
>
> We have two gay men in our project, one with three adopted children and
one
> about to adopt, and several people who have gay or lesbian children or
> siblings who visit. There have been  no problems whatsoever -- although
> before we moved in a single man who had been convicted (he denied it) of
sex
> with a young boy (age 12) was asked to leave by the parents of female as
> well as male children.
>
> We have several single men and women who do not have obvious partners --
> whether they are lesbian or gay or not, no one knows (or cares). We have
one
> woman who has an acknowledged relationship with a heterosexual couple "of
> undefined nature" in terms of sexuality but both partners stay over night
in
> her unit. Singles have people who stay over night and there have been no
> problems amongst the children or the adults who are aware of it. Most
adults
> are to busy to notice. We have several single parents by choice who either
> already have or are planning to have children one way or another.
>
> We are also an urban community which may make a difference. People often
> move to the suburbs to be with people like themselves -- at least
> temporarily hetero with 2.4 children, 1.2 dogs or cats, one station wagon,
> ages 25-45, etc.. Small town and rural communities vary widely since many
> are made up of ex-city people who take their values with them.
>
> But in general cohousing people tend to be fairly liberal and open to
> differences. I have personally found that in all groups (church, book
clubs,
> etc.) the only difficult issue with mixing Lesbian, gay, and hetero people
> is public displays of sexually provocative behavior. But this is true of
> heterosexual couples as well. Older teenagers and "some" gay couples like
> the public display a bit more than the observers do. Lesbian couples seem
> less interested in public displays.
>
> The biggest problem in my experience is where people see slights where
there
> are none, or certainly are not intended. I was walking through Greenwich
> Village early one Sunday morning looking for a Sunday paper. A woman
> standing with another woman yelled at me, "Stop staring. Haven't you ever
> seen two women together before?"
>
> Obviously from out of town. Every couple on the street at that hour was a
> same sex couple. And no one was staring at any one. They were still too
hung
> over to stare. But she was sure people were staring at her.
>
> Sharon
> --
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
>
>
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