Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Sexually Diverse

[Catherine Harper (tylik]

On Thu, 7 Feb 2002, Sharon Villines wrote:

> But the posts about what people do behind closed doors is applied across the
> board -- not just to sexual practices that are less common. I really do not
> want to know that my neighbors are doing oral sex with whipped cream and
> chocolate syrup or that they have high heel fetishes -- whatever their
> sexual mixtures or preferences.

*grin*

But people so often use public behavior as a way to intuit private
behavior, which is where that behind closed doors thing breaks down.  Not
to mention that the lines between public and private behavior are often
pretty sketchy. (Okay, I know you know this, I just want an excuse to tell
a funny story...) 

A couple of years ago we had my family, my husband's family, and several
members of our extended community over for Thanksgiving.  Now many of my
close friends are a pretty physically affectionate bunch in a hugs and
backrubs sort of way, but everyone was making an effort to play it
conservative in front of Craig's family.  (Who are not so much
conservative, exactly, as people who have gotten the bulk of their sense
of culture from watching television.  Generic?  Urk.) 

So before the meal, about half the people are milling around helping out
with last minute food prep, and the other half are mostly congregating in
the family room.  My brother in law, S, looking into the family room, is
giving my girlfriend's husband, D, these noticably evil and offended
looks.  I couldn't figure it out.  I asked Craig "Hey, what's with your
brother?"  He didn't get it.  D wasn't smooching anyone, and in particular
he wasn't smooching his boyfriend, who was also in the room (S is pretty
homophobic, though we have evolved something of a detente for the moment,
as he's terrified of me).  D was sitting on the couch, keeping his hands
to himself, and chatting about computer games -- a pretty neutral subject,
I thought. 

Eventually is came out that S's problem was that the woman sitting on the
floor at D's feet, and leaning against his legs a bit was not his wife...

S spent the rest of the evening hostile and sulking, and eventually left
early.  (Though my siblings' off color jokes over dinner might have
hurried that along.  Getting my non blood-relative family members to
behave was really all I could vouch for.)  Of course, S had a pretty
similar reaction the first time he saw a co-housing community...

                                Catherine

(Okay, I thought it was funny.  But then, I have a choice between taking S
seriously, or seeing S as an eccentric who ocaissionally shows up and
behaves bizarrely.  Taking him seriously would be stressful.)


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