Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: kids coming of age?

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

on 8/8/2002 10:36 AM, Laura Fitch, A.I.A. at lfitch [at] krausfitch.com wrote:
> The one thing we do however, is have rituals for the girls and boys at
> the approximate age of 13.  The woman typically take the girl(s) out
> camping, and do some pretty far-out rituals, singing around the camp
> fire, telling stories about our own coming of age, dancing, somemores,
> etc.  The men do something similar.  Usually a few men take the boy(s)
> for a hike, and arrive later at a campsite where all the other men are
> waiting.  I think it is a pretty profound experience for these
> adolescents.  Image what it is like for the boy raised by a single Mom,
> to have a community of men do this for them?!!!

In general I am not a ceremony person but this sounds like a very nice idea
if the activities are toned to the personality of the child
(extrovert/introvert, likes camping?)
> If the children have been well integrated into the
> community starting at a very young age, then they will respect, admire,
> hold as mentors, etc. other adult members of the community.  They may
> choose to turn to these other adults when they turn away from their
> parents.  They will do things with and for them that they will not for
> their parents.

This is the advantage of community. Kids have lots of options. I like to see
children included at all ages in most community activities. It isn't a
question of forcing or requiring, but if we want them to feel as if they are
members of the community, they need to have the same expectations  given to
them that are given to other members of the community.

We don't include children enough in the real life of our communities. Each
person can be given a place according to their abilities and interests,
including children.

The times I most value from childhood and adolescence were times spent doing
real things with adults not my parents. Often there is a push in our
community to get the kids involved but it always focuses on games or going
to a cultural event that the adults wouldn't go to if not to accompany a
child. This can be fun but it isn't really meaningful in the long run unless
the interests are really shared.

We are currently working on a wall hanging for the commonhouse and the
design allows children to be involved. The youngest at the moment is about 9
but there are some tasks that a walking child can do. I can tell you that
this has pushed me to save every inch of hand weaving every child has done.
They can identify their piece 100 yards away.

Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org


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