Cohousing-L Mailing List: Gossip vs. venting

[Jayne Kulikauskas (cml]

Hi, I'm Jayne Kulikauskas from Whole Village in Ontario.  I haven't posted
here for ages so many of you may not remember me.  Our community
 www.wholevillage.org ) owns land and is currently trying to get a building
permit to begin construction in the spring.  There is an existing farmhouse
on the property and several of our members already live there.

Anyhow, we are noticing tensions in our community dynamics, especially among
those who live in the house.  One issue that has come up is determining when
and how it is helpful for people to discuss negative feelings.  People do
not always immediately want to talk to a person they are upset with.
Sometimes they want a sounding board or a second opinion on the validity of
their complaint.  Sometimes they just want to vent. Sometimes they just
don't want to confront even though they should.

We have seen cases in which the person being complained to has felt the
problem required action and proceeded to tell others.  At one point this
resulted in an emergency meeting that left some of our members feeling
ambushed because this was the first they heard that they were the problem.
They were too shocked to give their side of the story so this meeting did
not open up communication.

I am having trouble sorting out in my own mind who should say what to whom
and when.  Any ideas on guidlines?

Jayne

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L