Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Interpreting Sharon's" individual vs. group" statements

[Kay Argyle (argyle]

Thanks for the responses.  It's reassuring to have feedback that I'm not
being unreasonable to ask that no smoking should mean no smoking, whether
using an ashtray or an incense burner.

In any case it's now been long enough since the community meeting for me to
have dusted myself off and be having second thoughts about my
discouragement.  It's not hopeless, simply because a couple of people felt a
need for more discussion.  Regard it as a speed bump.

One member who likes incense has rethought her position since I first raised
the issue -- in fact, herself suggested amending the no-smoking rule to
include incense. I suspect it came about because her husband told her about
our visit to discuss some shelves he was building for us:  Mary's voice was
fine when she asked if we could continue the conversation out on the porch,
but by the time we walked ten steps there her bronchia had closed down until
she sounded like a parody of a mafia don.  It was dramatic, without being a
serious attack; one couldn't have asked for a better demonstration.

I really thought the revision was going to pass, but several people weren't
ready to consense yet.  In at least one case it may simply be process
concerns.  The couple of members who hate rules, any rules, period, on
principle, either weren't present or weren't saying anything, but they
typically stand aside.

On the other hand, a member who seemed ready to consense at the meeting
backtracked afterwards, suggesting the "compromise" of continuing to burn
incense in the back room.

I did find some relevant research on the web and emailed excerpts of it
before the meeting.  A couple of people found it eye-opening.  On the other
hand, it was exactly what ruffled the feathers of one member who thrives on
face-to-face contact and values feelings over facts and anecdotes over
statistics.  (I should know better by this time than to try to discuss
things with him on email.)

Kay


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