Cohousing-L Mailing List: Dealing with difficult personalities

[Fred H Olson (fholson]

Chris A. is the name I assigned the author of the message below who wishes
to remain anonymous. It was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager
<fholson [at] cohousing.org>
--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------

   The cohousing group I have been working with for several years has
one member who has become our "lightning rod" or resident obstacle.  
She disagrees with most of the decisions the group made before she got
involved, and quite a few decision we have made since she got involved. 
She wants to change the name of the group, the set up of the committees,
the process we use to make decisions, the financial set up, in short, 
virtually every decision made before she joined the group, or at
meetings she missed... you get the picture.  She is very interested in
telling the group how to do things, but uninterested in doing the work
to get things done.   Additionally, she has very unrealistic ideas of
what is financially feasible.  She is adamant that we are going to
somehow convince someone to build us large, high quality units which
cost half of what houses are going for in the area.
    Several active  members of the group have left since she got
involved, for a variety of reasons, but all including the frustration of
trying to get anything done with someone who does not appear able to
consider the possibility that the group will not follow her exact plan. 
Meetings have become a nightmare; we cannot move forward on anything
unless the group does exactly what she wants, or she is absent.  When
she misses meetings, she insists that whatever she missed was not
covered.
The kicker is that we have not been able to bring in a professional
facilitator ( or any other professional), because she thinks
professional consultants charge too much.  A few of us have considered
paying for a facilitator ourselves, since all our efforts to bring one
in as a group have been stymied. 
Any suggestions from all you experienced cohousers?  

Chris A. (not real name)

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