Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Background check

[PattyMara Gourley (pattymara]

>From Tierra Nueva, on the central CA coast: 
On Mon, 25 Aug 2003 10:09:10 -0400 "Jeanne Goodman"
<GoodmanJ [at] jpcohousing.org> writes:
> 
> Are any communities doing background checks on members to check for 
> criminal
> backgrounds?

We didn't do one, but we wanted to, about four years ago.

> Are there experiences that groups have had where they found they 
> needed to protect their children from someone in the community?

Yes.  Hence the yearning for a background check.

> Does the group have any liability if someone in the group commits a 
> crime against someone in the larger neighborhood?

I have no idea.  It didn't occur to us to think about liability.

> What do you do if a community member doesn't feel safe or 
> comfortable around another community member?

What we did, instead of the background check:  we had a meeting.  Called
it specifically to talk to the new resident (a single man in his
thirties), who was spending lots of time with the children of the
community, before getting to know the parents.  We talked about our
discomfort using specific examples.  (naming names, dates and times as
our process mentors have coached us)    The new resident was able to
respond, and give his perspective.  What emerged was an understanding
among the parents that he was not dangerous to the kids, but perhaps
somewhat socially immature, and didn't have the skills (or the knowledge
that it was a good idea) to get to know the parents before chumming
around with the kids.  

Was it a comfortable meeting?  nope.  Did everyone feel "safe"?  heck,
no.  It was a stretch for all of us, expecially the man, but we did the
best we could, and we got through it, and the energy shifted afterwards,
and things got better.  He stayed for about 6 - 8 months, and then moved
away.  I know I breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn't an easy fit, and we
all knew it.  But we learned a lot about what makes us tick, and how
easily fear can snake through a community and perhaps blow things up out
of proportion.  We learned to talk about the shadow stuff that is hard to
talk about.....and we just did the best we could.  

We have other community residents who don't feel "safe" with some other
residents...mostly because of personality styles....and they handle it in
the ways that are comfortable for them, usually with avoidance.  Every
once in a while, it becomes a community issue, and then, we have a
meeting.  And it's difficult, and we learn something new. 

> Sorry to bring up such dark subjects,>

Ah, yes, dark subjects.  It's just our shadow following behind us,
wherever we go.  Sometimes we avoid it, sometimes we turn around and look
the dark mystery straight in the eye...and well, we do the best we can,
coheartedly,
PattyMara Gourley
Tierra Nueva, where we are planning our 5th Anniversary (of living here)
Celebration.  Three Days of Fun:  Variety Show, Equinox Play, Fishbowl (I
like living at Tierra Nueva because.......and it would be bettter
if.........), Games/Treasure~Scavenger Hunt, Dancing Our Story, IceCream
Sundae Sunday and Group Soul Salon.  
www.gourleydesign.com
www.communitymade.com










mm

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