Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Insecurity in Cohousing

[HariNam Elliott (hariname]

Why do you stay?  You sound miserable.

On 9/23/07, O3C11N6G <normangauss [at] charter.net> wrote:
>
> For somebody like me who needs a strong structure in which to
> live, the
> loosy-goosy way things are done around here is very unsettling.  I
> have been
> advised by some people in cohousing land to become a
> non-participant.  But knowing that departures from the
> assumed structure, especially when it comes to property
> management, makes me
> feel like the place is falling apart.
>
> If I felt secure about the way this organization was managing the
> property,
> I would, indeed, become a non-participant.  However, when I see
> the
> following happen, I cannot comfortably remain distant.
> (1) changes implemented that I have not had enough time to discuss
> (2) refusal of the community to discuss a matter beyond their
> patience
> (3) property alteration proposals that are unnecessarily declared
> urgent and
> falsely declared in need quick approval
> (3) strong pressure to approve a proposal just because the people
> working on
> it deserve recognition for their effort
> (4) facilitators declaring closure and seeking consensus on a
> proposal prematurely in order to
> feel a sense of accomplishment, rather than have another meeting
> to
> reconsider and perhaps have a more sustainable agreement
> (5) feeling confused about a proposal because not enough
> explanatory
> material has been presented
> (6) not requiring proposal writers to write carefully prepared
> proposals
> with full documentation because it is too much of a burden on them
> to do the work
>
>   Often I get such an overwhelming hostility to my requests for
> continuance,
> that I am threatened with deciding by vote instead of consensus.
> This is tantamount to saying, "to hell with you; if you don't like
> it, move
> out".  This is hardly the philosphy promoted in the agreements we
> signed
> when we became members.
>
> I attend all Board meetings and have a chance to evaluate whether
> the Board
> is working to my satisfaction.  For the most part, they are doing
> a good
> job on the small details.  It's the business meetings of the whole
> community where personal goals
> seem to outweigh community concerns.  Here, major proposals are
> presented and decided on in community meetings, but requiring the
> Board to examine and ratify the decisions.  In all occasions where
> I have seen the Board in action, not once has any time been spent
> on examining the consensed proposals from a fiduciary viewpoint.
> The Board is required by law to act as a fiduciary, but they often
> rubber-stamp proposals sent their way.  Often, they are so tired
> of hearing about these proposals, especially the more
> conterversial ones,  they just want to get on with their work and
> not delay any longer.
>
> I would like to remain distant.  But I frequently feel insecure
> about what
> everybody is deciding if I have not taken part in the decision
> making
> process.
>
> Norm Gauss
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