Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Background check Screening of Prospective Members

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Mar 15, 2022, at 3:08 PM, Kristina B. <kristinabridget [at] hotmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> I would agree, except for sex offender registry websites. I have a 2.5 year 
> old daughter and what was said on this list recently about cohousing being a 
> perfect target environment made me a little nervous. I could not imagine 
> anyone I know from our community but why would anyone object to that 
> screening I wonder? Open to hearing other thoughts…

I know of no credible reason why cohousing would be considered a perfect target 
for pedophiles. On the contrary, it is more probably the case that children are 
safer in cohousing. Everyone knows everyone. 

Secrecy is the first precondition to abuse. Secrecy is pretty elusive in 
cohousing — and should be. Transparency is the best protection from 
anti-community behavior.

Child abuse most commonly occurs between family members or close family 
friends. Otherwise the long term nature of cohousing development makes it 
unlikely that a a predator would be “targeting” it. The criminal mind, James 
Bond movies and ultra-conservative millionaires aside, typically doesn’t plan 
2-3 years or more in advance.

The overarching effect of listings and background checks is the negative 
mindset it imposes on the relationship. The website “The Mama Bear Effect" has 
a long list of the characteristics of child predators. I could easily be marked 
as a child predator—easily. I enjoy children and like having them around. I 
like getting to know them apart from their parents because they are more 
“themselves” when their parents are not around. I volunteer gifts. I offer to 
help with after school care and welcome caregivers sending children over 
anytime they need help. I stock foods for children. I communicate with children 
via email or social media (“secretly”) if they do so otherwise. I often arrange 
trips to museum, zoos, and parks alone with a child because they are more fun 
with children. I often express the view that helicopter parents limit their 
children by slowing their intellectual and physical development.

The list on this website is long but each item could clearly be a red flag — 
but only in the presence of other suspicious behavior. 

https://themamabeareffect.org/red-flags-of-child-predators/

Anyone can run a background check on anyone so doing it yourself is an option.  
But then what do you do? Say, IF you pass all these paper tests, you are 
welcome to the community. Are they allowed to attend pot lucks or be in the 
playroom before they come through “clean”? Do you welcome them and then reject 
them if they don’t come through clean? How do you do that? 

And how do you know the lists or background checks are even correct? The danger 
of false security is also a real possibility. “Well yes, they do seem a little 
odd but they aren’t on any of the child predator lists.” Which only means they 
weren’t caught. According to some experts the majority are never caught.

Think of all the abusive priests who were protected by the church repeatedly 
before they were exposed many, many years later.

The problem is that what seems like a routine easy pro forma paper-work action 
has many repercussions. A background check might also reveal embarrassing 
things that have nothing to do with being a good neighbor. Do you really want 
to know that a person was investigated for the SIDS death of their first child? 
Or was accused of stalking in college?

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org