Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Background check Screening of Prospective Members

[Kristina B . (kristinabridget]

Thanks, Sharon, that makes sense about knowing everyone well and it being a 
long-term commitment. I appreciate you highlighting that. 

Sent from my iPhone

> On Mar 16, 2022, at 10:43 AM, Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l 
> [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> 
> 
>> 
>> On Mar 15, 2022, at 3:08 PM, Kristina B. <kristinabridget [at] hotmail.com> 
>> wrote:
>> 
>> I would agree, except for sex offender registry websites. I have a 2.5 year 
>> old daughter and what was said on this list recently about cohousing being a 
>> perfect target environment made me a little nervous. I could not imagine 
>> anyone I know from our community but why would anyone object to that 
>> screening I wonder? Open to hearing other thoughts…
> 
> I know of no credible reason why cohousing would be considered a perfect 
> target for pedophiles. On the contrary, it is more probably the case that 
> children are safer in cohousing. Everyone knows everyone. 
> 
> Secrecy is the first precondition to abuse. Secrecy is pretty elusive in 
> cohousing — and should be. Transparency is the best protection from 
> anti-community behavior.
> 
> Child abuse most commonly occurs between family members or close family 
> friends. Otherwise the long term nature of cohousing development makes it 
> unlikely that a a predator would be “targeting” it. The criminal mind, James 
> Bond movies and ultra-conservative millionaires aside, typically doesn’t plan 
> 2-3 years or more in advance.
> 
> The overarching effect of listings and background checks is the negative 
> mindset it imposes on the relationship. The website “The Mama Bear Effect" 
> has a long list of the characteristics of child predators. I could easily be 
> marked as a child predator—easily. I enjoy children and like having them 
> around. I like getting to know them apart from their parents because they are 
> more “themselves” when their parents are not around. I volunteer gifts. I 
> offer to help with after school care and welcome caregivers sending children 
> over anytime they need help. I stock foods for children. I communicate with 
> children via email or social media (“secretly”) if they do so otherwise. I 
> often arrange trips to museum, zoos, and parks alone with a child because 
> they are more fun with children. I often express the view that helicopter 
> parents limit their children by slowing their intellectual and physical 
> development.
> 
> The list on this website is long but each item could clearly be a red flag — 
> but only in the presence of other suspicious behavior. 
> 
> https://nam12.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fthemamabeareffect.org%2Fred-flags-of-child-predators%2F&amp;data=04%7C01%7C%7C24c9711d638b44aa5e1e08da07746bc4%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637830493884579358%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000&amp;sdata=xMpPK0w8EQPfUO%2FeLjbEVDnWDgclHZxQpSsVxBrEXIE%3D&amp;reserved=0
> 
> Anyone can run a background check on anyone so doing it yourself is an 
> option.  But then what do you do? Say, IF you pass all these paper tests, you 
> are welcome to the community. Are they allowed to attend pot lucks or be in 
> the playroom before they come through “clean”? Do you welcome them and then 
> reject them if they don’t come through clean? How do you do that? 
> 
> And how do you know the lists or background checks are even correct? The 
> danger of false security is also a real possibility. “Well yes, they do seem 
> a little odd but they aren’t on any of the child predator lists.” Which only 
> means they weren’t caught. According to some experts the majority are never 
> caught.
> 
> Think of all the abusive priests who were protected by the church repeatedly 
> before they were exposed many, many years later.
> 
> The problem is that what seems like a routine easy pro forma paper-work 
> action has many repercussions. A background check might also reveal 
> embarrassing things that have nothing to do with being a good neighbor. Do 
> you really want to know that a person was investigated for the SIDS death of 
> their first child? Or was accused of stalking in college?
> 
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> https://nam12.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.takomavillage.org%2F&amp;data=04%7C01%7C%7C24c9711d638b44aa5e1e08da07746bc4%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637830493884579358%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000&amp;sdata=AhGWXoD9zQ5WrYr60rrUifqMUeIQfwOQygtPpjD1%2BtY%3D&amp;reserved=0
> 
> 
> 
> 
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