Cohousing-L Mailing List: background checks

[CJ Q (homeschoolvideo]

Not sure if this went through or not:
Excuse the repeat if it did.  I also forgot to add an amazing resource for
all of this
*stopitnow.org <http://stopitnow.org>*

Someone at my community had talked to friends who lived in intentional
communities and they told them "Child Sexual abuse is common in intentional
communtiies"
That terrified me and is one reason I am working on a group to prevent that.
There are a few reasons why cohousing is a target. First off, predators
need access to children.  So, as a teacher, we get trained on how to look
for behaviors that are suspicious. The main thing that most abusers do is
to groom - not just the children so they can hurt them, but the parents and
the community. So cohousing is already a place where you trust, and love,
your neighbors.  If a child says anything, that will make the community in
turmoil and the predator knows this.
I assumed intentional communities were targets because of the drugs and
freestyle lives of the hippie past. But now I see it is more because
everyone wouldn't know how to deal with accusations or abuse.  I also have
found out that there are adults who seually assault adults in communties.
I would also say that child seual abuse is too common - one out of 4
children are victims, so it is happening in every neighborhood in the
country but in cohousing, we know each other more so it is not as simple as
calling the police and communities struggle with having outsiders.
As part of the Sexual Abuse Prevention, I have a presentation that focuses
on behaviors and things communities can do to protect children. We are
working on resources for adults, and I hope we will be a place for
questions and finding resources when there is an incident.
Unfortunately I have seen first hand how communities can fall apart if
anyone considers something abuse. And that children who are victimized can
then go and victimize other children since the groomer has made it normal
to that child.  I also have heard of communities trying to be helpful to a
young offender but then the victims, also in the community, growing up and
telling the adults they felt unheard and hurt by their actions so now (a
happy ending) that community is working on healing and supporting the now
adult survivors.  And, as we've seen on this list, another community
struggles with adult on adult harassment so all these reasons show why
cohousing can be a paradise for those who want to hurt others. We assume
people won't, and that's what those who do are counting on.  I also have
seen first hand, in a school where we were all trained better, that the
abuser had groomed all the adults and was getting away with it until
outsiders finally stepped in and fired her.
It is a horrible subject to think about but if we don't, it could be worse.
Background screenings may or may not be legal, but asking for them is one
step to making a place inhospitable to child predators. I think they aren't
very useful since it only has in it's database those who have been caught
and found guilty.  But if someone says no to one, that is interesting. Now,
it could be they have something else in their background. At one school
where I worked someone had marijuana charges and we had a whole consensus
meeting about that and then had to change our rules to allow him to
volunteer or pick up his child. So, it depends.
The next quarterly meeting is on 27th, email me if you'd like the zoom link.

I hope this information helped - you can email me for clarification or
questions or anything on this!
Carol
homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com