Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Help with Teen Behavior [was Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 229, Issue 13

[Kathleen Lowry (kathleenlowrylpcclmft]

Really interesting! 

> On Feb 15, 2023, at 11:47 AM, Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l 
> [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> 
> 
>> 
>> On Feb 14, 2023, at 12:06 PM, Diana Porter <porterd1334 [at] gmail.com> 
>> wrote:
>> 
>> Once you find that support person(s) , the  support person(s) and the parent 
>> must meet with these kids.  The kids need to be shown the damage and have it 
>> clearly stated to them they have  to work off its repair (doing tasks in the 
>> community? like mowing? raking? working in the garden? cleaning?
> 
> I used to work in a state program for adolescents with emotional problems and 
> others with behavior problems. We had a man who trained marching bands to 
> come and teach us how to work with the girls in forming a team of marchers. 
> The first thing he did was put the most obstreperous girl in charge. He gave 
> her the job of his assistant. She stood up front next to him and was given 
> the responsibility for following up on practice during the week.
> 
> It worked like a charm. He soon had about 3-4 assistants. He told us you 
> always single put the one whose trouble and put them in charge. They want 
> respect and they need the responsibility of leadership. You don’t start with 
> penalties and restrictions. Just recognize the spirit that wants something to 
> do.
> 
> Inviting them to a workday, with the support person working with them, might 
> be the thing they need to become participating members of the community. They 
> may want to be the thing they are denigrating. 
> 
> We also had a very good police officer who came to talk to one of our boys 
> one time. He had locked himself in a room and refused to come out. The 
> officer just talked to him like big brother and explained how things were 
> going to go if he continued his behavior. Not threatening, just explaining 
> the juvenile intervention programs and giving him the responsibility of 
> making choices. He talked through the door for half an hour and said call me 
> if you have questions or I can help. Police officers can be very helpful. 
> 
> I used to have police officers as students — they were returning to college 
> to get 4-year degrees so they could be promoted. One thing I learned from 
> them is that their job is not to enforce the law. Their job is to keep the 
> peace. If that requires enforcing a law, they do. But the first question is 
> whether enforcing the law will keep the peace. If it doesn’t, then it isn’t 
> going to help and will just lead to more chaos. One officer explained all the 
> neighborhoods in Brooklyn, for example, like an anthropologist. Each had a 
> different culture and different things were acceptable and not acceptable. 
> Good officers adapted to keep the peace.
> 
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
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