Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Sharon's post

[Katie Hymans (haikaili]

Hi —

A few thoughts on this: (note that I started this message this morning
before I started work and see a few new messages have been added by the
time I’m getting back to it).

1. When people of color have to keep repeating over and over that harmful
things are being said and white folks keep repeating them, adding on to
them, and not demonstrating growth and learning, what is it to be called
other than nonsense? Seems generous to me. (For context, I am white.)

2. The article that was shared was from ONE black person’s perspective.
History is riddled with examples of white people taking one person of
color’s perspective and using it to justify things. There are plenty of
examples out there of how we are all biased. And denying that only makes us
have more bias. There are also plenty of studies out there showing that
yes, implicit bias training ALONE doesn’t make change. But from what I’ve
seen, they don’t say don’t do it at all. Just don’t only do it and expect
that to change things. And that yes, it can be damaging if that’s what you
only do. As Crystal stated, these exchanges alone have been enough evidence
of bias.

3. For my fellow white folks who are wanting to learn, please go google
rather than demanding more emotional labor from our community members of
color. Or find a white person who has done their own exploring around this
and ask them to help you figure it out. There are SO many resources out
there for us to learn. (And I see some have now been shared, including the
characteristics of white supremacy culture, which I highly recommend folks
familiarize themselves with).  Follow people who are educating on social
media. Order Crystal’s book and go to the workshop. Check out your local
SURJ chapter. Many (the one I’m part of, for example) offer educational
opportunities for white folks. Find other anti-racism workshops to attend
and practicing listening to understand (rather than to respond) and just
sitting in discomfort. When we are being told by POC that we’re missing the
mark, go figure out why rather than piling more of our uninformed opinions
on. And please consider the impact of expecting education about people’s
lived experiences.

To tie #1 & #3 together, an example. I’m not sure if it’s still active, but
there was at one point a service, if you will, on Facebook called the White
Nonsense Roundup. White people who had done work and were active around
anti-racism applied and became designated during times whenever anyone
tagged White Nonsense Roundup to enter the conversation and work to educate
whatever white person had added an uninformed opinion to the conversation.
I felt it was appropriately called nonsense and was a great example of us
white folks showing up to do the work of educating each other and not
expecting people of color to do it all the time.

In community —
~ Katie Hymans



On Mon, Feb 27, 2023 at 5:48 AM Kathleen Lowry <
kathleenlowrylpcclmft [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> I’m sad to see your disparaging language “nonsense” —in this thread-in my
> mind the first contemptuous comment.
> Yes, bias is a continuum not an either/or.
> ALL of us are biased.
>
> And in my mind, in this thread. We are  trying hard to understand.Some
> want us to be silent- I guess if you aren’t open to learning that might be
> a good idea. Dense, maybe, but wanting to learn.
>
> The only antidote is education. Being open to information.
>
> I don’t understand what is wrong with Sharon’s source. Is it that he isn’t
> representative? Too….? Or is he just misinformed and wrong?
>
> Please tell us. Thanks. Kathleen
>
>
>
>
> > On Feb 27, 2023, at 6:21 AM, Crystal Farmer <crystalbyrdfarmer [at] 
> > gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > Sharon,
> >
> > You're right that white people have the resources to start cohousing and
> it
> > doesn't prove that they are biased. However we have had numerous comments
> > from white people in this thread that prove they are biased. So I don't
> > have to generalize based on a random assumption; I can use the words of
> > people in this group.
> >
> > It's really unfortunate that you felt the need to use another Black
> > person's words against the people who are sharing their opinions in this
> > thread.
> >
> > Crystal
> > _________________________________________________________________
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>
>
> --
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