Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Do you have frequent blockers who stop needed agreements?

[Martie Weatherly (martiew]

I believe when people talk about unanimity, they mean everyone agrees, which 
is, of course, very hard to attain. To have everyone agree means that each 
person is trying to persuade the others to their point of view.

But consensus is creative and that is the exciting part. In the winter, the 
chickens in our community would have no place to hide from the hawks so their 
owners wanted them to hide in the gardens. But the gardeners had worked hard to 
prepare their soil for the spring and wanted a fence to keep the chickens out 
of the garden. 

So we had an either/or question. 

However, our members, instead of trying to convince each other, focused on what 
was needed which was to keep the hawks from killing the chickens. Once they put 
their creative minds to that, someone offered to build a shelter for the 
chickens. The fence stayed up to keep the chickens out of the garden and the 
chickens were protected from the hawks. 

Switching from a competitive way of thinking to a collaborative way to solve 
the problem is one of my keys to consensus in my video Heart of Consensus, 
which covers the three most important points to successful decision making. 

It requires some work in the community on what the community needs and the 
dissenter needs are, the role of standing aside, and the ability of the 
community to set aside a dissent that is not in line with the community values, 
while taking care of the dissenter and the community. But that is what will 
bring about the best solution for the whole community at that time, with 
everyone committed to implementing it. 

Let's keep making consensus work!

Martie
Consensus Coach


-----Original Message-----
From: Chris Hansen <itschrishansen [at] gmail.com>
Sent: Sep 25, 2023 5:59 AM
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>, <martiew [at] earthlink.net>
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Do you have frequent blockers who stop needed agreements?

This is helpful. Glen, are you able to give an example of what 
&lsquo;protecting a shared value&rsquo; means and looks like in your community?
Martie I appreciate the clarification that consensus doesn&rsquo;t mean 
unanimity or everyone agrees. Could you share your definitions of consensus, 
unanimity etc?

On Sun, Sep 24, 2023 at 9:27 PM Martie Weatherly <mhweatherly [at] 
earthlink.net (mailto:mhweatherly [at] earthlink.net)> wrote:
Once someone expresses a concern such as the one you described, it is important 
that the community and the person objecting listen to each other with respect. 
Frequently, especially when someone questions a solution that a team has been 
working on for a long time, emotions run high. 

It then becomes a concern like any concern where the group is committed to a 
solution that works for everyone and not coming from trying to convince someone 
to change their mind. 

There are several things that will move this along, such as suggesting the 
person stand aside. If the community discusses this ahead of time and agrees on 
a procedure, this can become a collaborative discussion and not a battle. 

Not easy but remember we are not looking for unanimity where everyone agrees 
but on consensus where we find the best solution together. 
Martie
Consensus Coach
coachmartie.com (http://coachmartie.com)

-----Original Message-----
From: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org (mailto:cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org)>
Sent: Sep 24, 2023 12:25 AM
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org (mailto:cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org)>
Cc: <martiew [at] earthlink.net (mailto:martiew [at] earthlink.net)>
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Do you have frequent blockers who stop needed agreements?

But what if someone feels they are protecting a shared value, and others do
not?

*Glen Ecklund*
711 S. Orchard St., #303
Madison, WI 53715


On Sun, Sep 24, 2023 at 6:09 AM Henning Mortensen
wrote:

> Yes
>
> On Sat, Sep 23, 2023 at 7:26 PM Martie Weatherly mhweatherly [at] 
> earthlink.net (mailto:mhweatherly [at] earthlink.net)>
> wrote:
>
> > Yes the ability to block protects the community from passing something
> > that will damage the community. In the many communities I have spoken to,
> > this is frequently not understood and blocks are used to stop the action
> > for months and years. That is why I am spreading the word so consensus is
> > used appropriately.
> > Martie
> > Consensus Coach
> > coachmartie.com (http://coachmartie.com)
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From:
> > Sent: Sep 20, 2023 5:02 PM
> > To:
> > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Do you have frequent blockers who stop needed
> > agreements?
> >
> > Remind every blocker that they can only block if they are protecting a
> > community common value. You&amp;rsquo;re not allowed to block just because
> you
> > personally don&amp;rsquo;t like something.
> >
> > For example, if the community is near a decision to purchase an appliance
> > for the kitchen, one person can&amp;rsquo;t just block because they
> > don&amp;rsquo;t want that
> > make or model. But if there&amp;rsquo;s a common value that all appliances
> > must be
> > made in the USA, and the proposed appliance was from Germany for example,
> > then a block protecting that common value would be allowed.
> >
> >
> >
> > On Wed, Sep 20, 2023 at 4:26 PM Martie Weatherly
> > wrote:
> >
> > > A block is not a veto! The *Heart of Consensus video* will show you
> ways
> > > to get past the frequent blocker, agree on emotional issues, and set
> the
> > > tone for collaboration!
> > >
> > > This video is great to watch in small groups or with the whole
> community
> > > and can also serve as a good orientation to consensus.
> > >
> > > Normally $147, mention this post and you will receive a $40 discount in
> > > September only!
> > > Email me here or use this link to find out more:
> > >
> > >
> >
> https://coachmartie.com/v3/products/?action=addToCart&amp;amp;pid=64dd2148d2172f44344c45b7
> > > _________________________________________________________________
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> > >
> > >
> > >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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> >
> >
> >
> >
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