Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Forming group crippled by new members

[Anne Geraghty (abgwalks]

As we were building our group, our consultant Katie McCamant urged us to 
incorporate the ability to reject applications for new members if we decided 
they would not be a good fit. We did that and luckily never felt the need to 
reject anyone. There were a few we might have if they had decided to apply.  It 
was definitely a good insurance policy at the forming stage. 

Now that we’ve moved in, housing anti discrimination laws forbid us to reject 
applicants. We are hopeful that our collaborative culture will attract others 
wanting to be in a cooperative and caring culture. 

AND we have three remaining condominium flats available with a site tour on 
April 5th.  We love our new community located within walking distance of 
downtown Sacramento.  

Anne Geraghty
Washington-Commons.org

> On Mar 31, 2025, at 4:14 AM, Ann Zabaldo <zabaldo [at] earthlink.net> wrote:
> 
> Dealing with difficult people.  There’s a book by that name.
> 
> Yup.  That happened w/ a group I was helping form.  There was one couple who 
> needed something (never identified) the group could not give. It was 
> absolutely bloody.  In the end, we had to call in professional mediators to 
> help the individual members say their piece, say good bye and leave a little 
> bit on their way on the healing spectrum.
> 
> Scary when it was happening. Sad when it was over. Thoughtful since then.
> 
> Dealing w/ difficult people is not only a problem in forming groups … there 
> are coho communities everywhere that have one or more members who are 
> “outliers” who question, prod, exhibit let’s say unusual behavior, and become 
> lightening rods in the community.  Hard to get a person to leave when they 
> own a home in a condo legal model.  Easier in a ccop model but still not fun. 
> Early on in the forming stage, the group needs to decide how to handle this 
> challenge.
> 
> Maybe others can comment.  I’m sure cohousing is replete with examples.
> 
> I remember Laird Schaub observed the weak links in the cohousing model are 
> the inability of the group to choose its members and then the inability to 
> ask members to leave.  
> 
> Best —
> 
> Ann Zabaldo
> Takoma Village Cohousing
> Washington, DC
> Ex. Dir. & Mbr. Board of Directors
> Mid Atlantic Cohousing
> 202.546.4654
> zabaldo [at] earthlink.net
> 
> People can be divided into two groups:  those who think they are right.
> 
> 
> NOTE:  Please use zabaldo [at] earthlink.net for email.
> 
>> On Mar 30, 2025, at 9:38 PM, Fred H Olson <fholson [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>> 
>> I recently corresponded with someone who with their partner had been
>> involved with forming a cohousing community. The forming group appears
>> that it may fail to get a community built. It seems like a cautionary
>> tale worth sharing.
>> 
>> After having lived in another cohousing community, - a wonderful
>> experience - the couple moved and started working on creating a
>> cohousing community in their new area. They made a lot of progress
>> during more than five years, but they were very sad that, over the
>> final year they were involved, one couple with a very different vision
>> of community and cohousing joined the group. Since the group was
>> self-selecting and the new couple seemed oblivious to their being a
>> bad fit (non-fit) and chose to stay, my correspondent and their
>> partner decided to leave. The group has dwindled precipitously to
>> three households over the time the new couple has been involved . The
>> groups high point was about 15 households. The group had been using
>> sociocracy but likely no more. My correspondent still loves the idea
>> of cohousing but just does not feel they can start from square one
>> again.
>> 
>> Fred
>> 
>> --
>> Fred H. Olson  Minneapolis,MN 55411  USA        (near north Mpls)
>> Email:        fholson at cohousing.org      612-588-9532 My Link Pg:
>> http://fholson.cohousing.org                  ybb_
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