Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community

[Claire Richards (clairerichardsrn]

I have not read the entire thread here, but we have a list of things for
potential members to do to help them understand what they would be getting
themselves into: attend a cohousing meeting, help with dinner prep and
attend a dinner, join a work party, and attend a cluster meeting.
It is really important people understand that we have a consensus process
and that there are certain limitations to remodeling, which can be a
deal breaker for some.
Ultimately whoever is selling their place gets to decide who they are
selling to and at what price. We may all have our own opinions on the
demographics (personally, I would like to see more children-- so much more
fun for the kids) that is never mentioned to potential buyers. The selling
team always chooses people in the community who may be able to share their
experiences in the community with them in a meaningful way to sit with them
at dinner (e.g., if the interested buyers have a child, then they will have
them talk with a family that has children so they can talk about the local
schools, or what it is like to parent in community).
So I am not on the sales team, but it would really do people an injustice
if they have no way of knowing what they are really getting themselves into
by purchasing a home.

Warm regards,
Claire

On Fri, Jun 13, 2025 at 10:30 AM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

> > On Jun 12, 2025, at 8:19 PM, Lisa Kuntz via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> > I always try to find the humor in dynamics like this. Surely one ironic
> > aspect is that they have alienated a once hard-working committed, long
> time
> > member because of what seems to me to be a judgmental, moralistic and
> > fundamentalist mind-set towards residents who "transgress."
> >
> > It's just the stuff of cohousing and something I was mostly prepared for.
> > We're a bunch of sometimes unskillful volunteers with varying degrees of
> > social intelligence!
>
> Some one more familiar with organizational theory could probably pin this
> down more neatly but I’ve noticed the same thing as a stage of development
> related to “doing things myself” much like 2-6-year olds wanting to prove
> they are grownup. And take revenge on those who formerly claimed to be
> grown up.
>
> It seems to occur when the organization has become stable and acheived a
> sold degree of success, the next generation of adults aged 40-50-something
> will need to claim fame by correcting the organization. They will get very
> self-righteious about something like a sign in the tot-lot that says USE AT
> YOUR OWN RISK or signs in the kitchen that say KNIVES ARE SHARP. And they
> will find a lawyer who will confirm that people with these signs have
> avoided liability in cases claiming person injury. The Fair Housing Act is
> used the same way. What it really does is prevent them from taking true
> responsibility for defining “fair” in the context of cohousing.
>
> But it is also true that some people are doing this because they believe
> that they are saving the organization from peril and doom and don’t
> understand why anyone might criticize their signs. The signs make cohousing
> legal and raise it to the level of public recognition worthy of courtrooms.
>
> So you need to find a way to affirm their best intentions. I’ve tried the
> “No one who doesn’t know knives are sharp will be reading the sign”
> argument but it doesn’t work. Signs are a form of magic. They are there in
> case you might need them. They keep people safe.
>
> A phrase used on the first Trump White House by John Kelly for impossible
> presidential proposals, “Staff it out.” Things that were circulated to
> staff for comment where never seen again. You might try that before
> anything gets to the policy level. Send it to a team.
>
> Sharon
> ——
> Sharon Villines
> Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
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