Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community

[Lisa Kuntz (lisa.kuntz]

Claire and Sharon,

Thanks for your perspective and suggestions.

Yes, I wish all of this could be examined through the lens of
"organizational/systems theory."

It's a jolt to suddenly be looking at so many interactions and documents
through the lens of possible FHA violations that I think may be rather
narrowly interpreted.

The perspective has introduced an element of anxiety that didn't
formerly exist in our community.

Lisa






On Fri, Jun 13, 2025 at 11:23 AM Claire Richards <clairerichardsrn [at] 
gmail.com>
wrote:

> I have not read the entire thread here, but we have a list of things for
> potential members to do to help them understand what they would be getting
> themselves into: attend a cohousing meeting, help with dinner prep and
> attend a dinner, join a work party, and attend a cluster meeting.
> It is really important people understand that we have a consensus process
> and that there are certain limitations to remodeling, which can be a
> deal breaker for some.
> Ultimately whoever is selling their place gets to decide who they are
> selling to and at what price. We may all have our own opinions on the
> demographics (personally, I would like to see more children-- so much more
> fun for the kids) that is never mentioned to potential buyers. The selling
> team always chooses people in the community who may be able to share their
> experiences in the community with them in a meaningful way to sit with them
> at dinner (e.g., if the interested buyers have a child, then they will have
> them talk with a family that has children so they can talk about the local
> schools, or what it is like to parent in community).
> So I am not on the sales team, but it would really do people an injustice
> if they have no way of knowing what they are really getting themselves into
> by purchasing a home.
>
> Warm regards,
> Claire
>
> On Fri, Jun 13, 2025 at 10:30 AM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> > > On Jun 12, 2025, at 8:19 PM, Lisa Kuntz via Cohousing-L <
> > cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >
> > > I always try to find the humor in dynamics like this. Surely one ironic
> > > aspect is that they have alienated a once hard-working committed, long
> > time
> > > member because of what seems to me to be a judgmental, moralistic and
> > > fundamentalist mind-set towards residents who "transgress."
> > >
> > > It's just the stuff of cohousing and something I was mostly prepared
> for.
> > > We're a bunch of sometimes unskillful volunteers with varying degrees
> of
> > > social intelligence!
> >
> > Some one more familiar with organizational theory could probably pin this
> > down more neatly but I’ve noticed the same thing as a stage of
> development
> > related to “doing things myself” much like 2-6-year olds wanting to prove
> > they are grownup. And take revenge on those who formerly claimed to be
> > grown up.
> >
> > It seems to occur when the organization has become stable and acheived a
> > sold degree of success, the next generation of adults aged
> 40-50-something
> > will need to claim fame by correcting the organization. They will get
> very
> > self-righteious about something like a sign in the tot-lot that says USE
> AT
> > YOUR OWN RISK or signs in the kitchen that say KNIVES ARE SHARP. And they
> > will find a lawyer who will confirm that people with these signs have
> > avoided liability in cases claiming person injury. The Fair Housing Act
> is
> > used the same way. What it really does is prevent them from taking true
> > responsibility for defining “fair” in the context of cohousing.
> >
> > But it is also true that some people are doing this because they believe
> > that they are saving the organization from peril and doom and don’t
> > understand why anyone might criticize their signs. The signs make
> cohousing
> > legal and raise it to the level of public recognition worthy of
> courtrooms.
> >
> > So you need to find a way to affirm their best intentions. I’ve tried the
> > “No one who doesn’t know knives are sharp will be reading the sign”
> > argument but it doesn’t work. Signs are a form of magic. They are there
> in
> > case you might need them. They keep people safe.
> >
> > A phrase used on the first Trump White House by John Kelly for impossible
> > presidential proposals, “Staff it out.” Things that were circulated to
> > staff for comment where never seen again. You might try that before
> > anything gets to the policy level. Send it to a team.
> >
> > Sharon
> > ——
> > Sharon Villines
> > Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
> > _________________________________________________________________
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> >
> >
> >
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