Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Aging out

[Elizabeth Magill (pastorlizm]

Thanks Philip.

It also depends on the location of the community and on how each
member interacts with the community.

Finding a community member on the floor after several days would be an
unfortunate experience, but for someone who doesn't get out much, or
who doesn't want a daily check-in, it would be a real possibility. It
makes sense for people without extended family to move into cohousing,
but that means its hard for the community to know who to contact when
the level of care needed is greater than what we have the capacity to
provide. Live-in help is impossible in our smaller units.

And drives for cancer treatment in our community means going into
boston--45 minutes minimum each way if there is no traffic, and there
rarely is not traffic. No unusual for it to be 1.5 hours for at least
one way.

We try to make it clear that we can only provide simple helps for a
short time, that households need to get professional help for ADLs,
and cannot expect months of driving help.

And all but two of our homes require using stairs.

I can definitely imagine situations where we need to help a member
realize that they cannot stay in their home any longer.
-Liz
(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Join my email newsletter about how we can Act! Be Church Now in the
resistance. https://actbechurchnow.kit.com/posts
www.elizabethmaemagill.com
508-450-0431

On Tue, Sep 1, 2026 at 9:08 AM Philip Dowds via Cohousing-L
<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> Much depends on the nature and details of the age-related decline.  Helping 
> with meal trains and final days for a few weeks is apparently done by many 
> communities.  But for intensive medical care, including med management, 
> toilet transfers, infusions, etc?  Or general incapacitating frailty lasting 
> months or years?  Most cohousing is not set up or trained for this.
>
> Our 21st-century problem is that modern medicine can keep us alive for much 
> longer than it can keep us healthy.
>
> Thanks,
> Philip Dowds
>
> > On Aug 31, 2026, at 6:16 AM, cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org wrote:
> >
> > Message: 3
> > Date: Sun, 30 Aug 2026 21:01:45 +0000 (UTC)
> > From: Bonnie Fergusson <fergyb2 [at] yahoo.com <mailto:fergyb2 [at] 
> > yahoo.com>>
> > To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org <mailto:cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>>
> > Cc: David Entin <davidhentin [at] gmail.com <mailto:davidhentin [at] 
> > gmail.com>>
> > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ "Aging out"
> > Message-ID: <1736650774.1579131.1788123705249 [at] mail.yahoo.com 
> > <mailto:1736650774.1579131.1788123705249 [at] mail.yahoo.com>>
> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8
> >
> > At Swans Market Cohousing (26 years since move in day) we have had several 
> > original members live here until they died. ?In?Their last days they were 
> > cared for by hospice, family members and friends with various kinds of 
> > community support. ?Others have chosen to move into assisted living after 
> > receiving potentially?fatal diagnoses and twice members were hospitalized 
> > for a while before dying and never officially moved out of cohousing. ?It 
> > doesn?t make sense to talk about aging out of cohousing. ?As we age our 
> > contributions to the community change somewhat but rarely cease much before 
> > death. ?And when you live together in community for many years you learn to 
> > accommodate change.??
> > Bonnie FergussonSwans Market CohousingOakland, CA
> >
> > Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad
> >
> >
> > On Sunday, August 30, 2026, 1:16 PM, David Entin via Cohousing-L 
> > <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org <mailto:cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>> 
> > wrote:
> >
> > I wanted to respond to the query of how a community ?navigates aging out.?? 
> > The question presupposes that at a certain age or condition people must 
> > leave a cohousing community.? One can also live in a cohousing community 
> > until one?s death.? Our oldest member, age 87, moved in at our beginning 21 
> > years ago, and died last month.? He had been an active and important 
> > contributing member for many years.? Recently he was suffering from 
> > vascular dementia and became sick and entered hospice care here in our 
> > community.? The community responded with love and care.? Our Care Committee 
> > coordinated meals for the family and support for the spouse and sick 
> > member.? Many visited with him for the 23 days when he was under hospice 
> > care.? Most of us went to his green burial service at a local cemetery and 
> > a very meaningful Memorial Service at his church.?
> > David Entin, Rocky Hill Cohousing, Northampton, MA
>
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