RE: Romance and Sex in CoHousing | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Rob Sandelin (robsanmicrosoft.com) | |
Date: Tue, 13 Dec 94 13:37 CST |
At Sharingwood this is a non-issue for the community. Our houses are private and we seem to lack a real gossiper sort of person so the who, what, where and when is a private matter. There are 3 single people in our community, and who they go out with has never been anyone else's business (They haven't brought their dates to community dinner). The only conversations dealing with relationships that I have been part of have involved problems, sort of anti-romance of couples who are not getting along as well as they would like. Our hidden value is that sex and relationships are private matters and no one else's business. I call this a hidden value because its defined by our behavior and not by any discussion or agreement. As to graphic sexually explicit art and kids, better talk about it with the parents. As a parent of two very little girls, my father instinct wants to keep my kids away from such stuff for awhile yet. If I lived in your community I would want to know what's on the walls of your house so I could make choices for my kids. You might find parents choosing not to let kids play at your house due to what you put on your walls. This is an area which is ripe for a values conflict. In another community I lived in long ago there was poor communication about sexuality issues and some very bad vibes developed and the group exploded apart with a very violent jealous rage fist fight. If you are living in a shared house or other very close quarters be aware of the undercurrents and call attention to them, either privately or publicly. The boundaries of relationships are really fuzzy and hard to define sometimes, especially when it involves touching. Is it OK if I give a back rub to a single woman when my partner is out of town? Or am I intruding on her personal space and making her feel threatened? Will she mistake my intentions as a sexual advance? What will the neighbors say? Will my partner hear about it later and feel jealous? The complexity of this sort of thing can get really crazy and of course most of us are not very adept at talking about this sort of stuff. Trusting each other, being alert for triangulation, and being direct about your feelings can help keep relationships in good standing. Rob Sandelin Sharingwood
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Romance and Sex in CoHousing Joaniblank, December 13 1994
- Re: Romance and Sex in CoHousing Fred H Olson WB0YQM, December 13 1994
- RE: Romance and Sex in CoHousing Rob Sandelin, December 13 1994
- Re: Romance and Sex in CoHousing David G Adams, December 13 1994
- Re: Romance and Sex in CoHousing Stuart Staniford-Chen, December 13 1994
- Re: Romance and Sex in CoHousing Catherine Kehl, December 14 1994
- Re: Romance and Sex in Cohousing Eric Hart, December 22 1994
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