Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Sexuality and CoHousing

[mtracy (mtracy]

Regarding non-monogamy and cohousing...

There are at least two non-monogamous group houses forming in Los Angeles at 
this moment (the Phoenix family and Live The Dream).  In my experience, open 
non-monogamy frightens the beJesus out of people.  It calls into question the 
basic cultural underpinnings of family values.  You can have your kids taken 
away!  People are pretty tolerant of gays and bi's in Los Angeles nowadays.  
The same tolerance does not apply to poly's.  Many are still in the closet.

Hidden non-monogamy, however, is a cultural norm.  If you can believe the 
surveys, roughly 75% of men and 50% of women in supposedly monogamous 
relationships cheat.  This is a natural pattern among birds and mammals.  If 
you still think birds are monogamous, you're a little behind the research.  
(We won't mention cats ;-)  The absolute best strategy for the propogation of 
genes is as follows.  The male impregnates every female in sight.  The female 
finds a protective, food-sharing male, and cheats a little on the side in 
case he is sterile.  As primates, we have been perfecting this strategy for 
two and a half million years.

I imagine this could be a problem in cohousing.  How do you get a little bit 
on the side (at your place) and not have everyone know about it the next day? 
Anyway, there are not enough poly's to go around, and your cohousing group 
will probably not have any.  If you do, they can probably help you with any 
issues of jealousy that might come up.  BTW, there are some <couples only> 
communities listed in The Directory of Intentional Communities.  Anyone have 
any experience with this?   
--
Martin Tracy          mtracy [at] netcom.com          Los Angeles, CA