Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Sexuality and CoHousing

[Rob Sandelin (robsan]

Regarding polyfidelity in Cohousing.  If say 12 or 15 out of 60 adults 
wanted to live this lifestyle in a cohousing group, why would this be a 
problem?  Again it seems to me to be a private issue, not a community 
issue.  Personally I don't care, nor feel threatened by who my 
neighbors sleep with, that's their business, not mine.  If it were 
somehow exclusionary and  meant if you're "poly" you can't have a place 
at the dinner table or contribute to the group, then it would be a 
group issue.

If marriages or couples broke up over the issue, eg one wanted to be 
poly, the other didn't, then that is the issue of the couple, not the 
community.  Jealousy seems to me to be far removed from the business of 
cohousing.  Realtionship problems do occur and hopefully the cohousing 
group is supportive at the personal friendship level.  I have been a 
"sounding board", for a couple of the men in our group, as we talk 
about our relationships.  I couldn't image making these conversations 
community business.
One of the great advantages of living in a community is you have people 
you know and trust and can talk with about your issues, your problems, 
your hopes, fears and dreams.  However, for me that number is small, 
like 4 out of 25.

I am sure each cohousing group is different but at Sharingwood, 
personal privacy is very respected.  I know many things about my 
neighbors, more so than anywhere else I've ever lived. However there is 
much I do not know and it is not polite to ask.  I know almost nothing 
about the sex life of my neighbors, and I do not want to know about it 
either.  I have vague notions about the religous beliefs of some of my 
neighbors, others I have no idea.  I do not know how much money any of 
my neighbors makes, nor their credit status.  Etc. Etc. you get the point.

I would be curious to hear from other groups what levels of privacy are 
maintained.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood