Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Sexuality and CoHousing

[Pablo Halpern (phalpern]

> From cohousing-l [at] uci.com Wed Aug 31 21:43:12 1994
> 
> Hidden non-monogamy, however, is a cultural norm.  If you can believe the 
> surveys, roughly 75% of men and 50% of women in supposedly monogamous 
> relationships cheat.  This is a natural pattern among birds and mammals.  If 
[stuff deleted]

There are certainly tolarance issues on both sides involved with non-monogamy, 
but please lets not turn this into a discussion about the pros and cons of 
monogamy itself.

Non-monaogomy, like homosexuality and minority religions is something that its 
practitioners would rather express openly, without judgement. Non-practitioners 
need to be respectful of that expression but need not accept it as good. 
Conversely, non-monogamists must respect monogamists by accepting their 
agreements and vows. An extreme violation of the latter could be someone in the 
community trying to seduce someone else who is in a monogamous relationship. 
Non-monogamy should only be an issue for a group if people cannot tolerate one 
another's lifestyles.

BTW, "Cheating" is not just having sex with someone else; it is the breaking of 
an agreement or *vow* of monogamy (which may have been made in a religious 
setting). Hiding an affair from your partner is very different than hiding it 
from society. Society is perverse in that cheating is often tolerated better 
than an honest non-manogamous lifestyle.

- Pablo

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pablo Halpern              (508) 435-5274         phalpern [at] world.std.com

New View Neighborhood Development, Acton, MA
------------------------------------------------------------------------