Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Anger and Arguments

[Joani Blank (jeblank]

I was out of the country for a week and came back to the delightful
clotheslines discussion and the difficult anger one. I confess spacing out
on the anger discussions. Perhaps it's my own fight phobia.  But  I do have
a few words on the subject anyway:

Both "sides" in this discussion kinda assume that expressing anger means
yelling. It is possible to express  anger effectively (for the angry person
and the person at whom they are angry) by tensing the jaw and saying in a
VERY low voice, "I'm really, really angry (or mad or furious) at you
for....................!" It also helps to use terms like "disappointed,
betrayed, double crossed, cheated, shocked, stunned if you can muster
them," Or  slang like "pissed off."  The low, intense voice is often even
more effective than yelling in my experience.  And it is easier to learn
for the person who has been afraid of expressing emotions, but wants to
improve his or her skills in this arena.  Even saying these words in a
hesitant soft voice is good practice, and  is way better than remaining
silent.

Joani Blank
Doyle Street and Old Oakland Cohousing.

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