Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Beyond Polyamory: Other Sex and Relationship Issues

[Howard Landman (howard]

Rowena asked:
> OK - will someone please define polyamory and describe how it differs from 
> polyandry or poligamy and why there needs to be another word for these 
> marriage patterns, which have legal and social sanctions in some parts of the 
> world.

Polygyny: marriage of one man to multiple women
Polyandry: marriage of one woman to multiple men
Group Marriage: marriage of three or more persons of any genders
Polygamy: polygyny, polyandry, or group marriage (or may mean just polygyny) 

Note that all forms of polygamy are illegal in the United States, and the
alien laws prohibit anyone who is polygamous or even *believes* in polygamy
from entering the country.

Polyfidelity: a group marriage in which no one has sex with anyone outside it
Open Marriage: marriage in which anyone may have outside lovers
Swinging: trading sex partners, often at parties organized for that purpose

Polyamory: a blanket term to cover many forms of non-monogamy; sometimes it
is used to include even swinging, sometimes not, but always it has the
properties of honesty (all partners know what's going on, so adultery is
excluded) and consent (so being forced into a Mormon polygamous marriage
at age 15 is excluded).

My own sense is that "polyamory" was invented because "polygamy" could be
too easily construed as Biblical patriarchal polygyny.  Also, once you step
outside the bounds of monogamy, there is a bewildering buffet of choices,
and there seemed to be a need for a generic term.  "Non-monogamy" wasn't
liked because it had the sense of being against something, and negative,
instead of for something, and positive.

So, Rowena, "polyamory" isn't a name for "a marriage pattern", because
most of the things it covers either aren't marriage-like or (if they are)
can not be legalized in the U.S.  Although, Hawaii may change that soon ...

        Howard A. Landman
        howard [at] polyamory.org