Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Polyamory et al and Ethnic Diversity

[Lynn Nadeau (welcome]

Verna got the impression that polyamory goes with cohousing. My 
impression is that polyamory, as a conscious philosophical choice (vs 
overlapping relationships that just "happen" now and then in some 
people's lives), is numerically rare, anywhere. If there is any major 
poly group in my town of 8000, they are very invisible (hard to achieve 
in a small town). In our cohousing group of 22 families--- zero. Frankly, 
sexual activity is not what takes up most of anyone's lives here. We are 
involved with so many other activities, and our focus and energy is 
needed by family members, town politics, environmental activism, 
community tasks, earning a living, and the logistics of daily life. I'd 
sure be sad to think anyone turned away from cohousing as a reasonable 
option, based on the untrue assumption that they'd have to be "poly" to 
fit in, or even have to accept being a minority that wasn't. 

As for diversity, it comes in both visible and invisible forms. I'm a 
lesbian single mom, an "only" one of those in the community, though not 
the only lesbian, nor the only single mom. Some in the community never 
raise the subject of my lesbian orientation, just as some never talk 
"parenting" matters, while others include the subjects, either because 
they know it involves me, or because they have some interest of their own 
in such news. 

Among us white middle class people here, there are those with backgrounds 
that are Anglo, or Jewish, poor or well-off, conservative or liberal. 
Without in any way discounting the differences encountered because of the 
pervasive racism of our society, compounded for women of color by 
pervasive sexism, I think people from a variety of ethnic backgrounds, 
including most African Americans, could live happily in my cohousing 
group. Unless they found the benefits of a "majority-like-me" context to 
be a reason to choose that instead. As humans, we have so much in common, 
across lines of race or culture, and cohousing does a lot in the context 
of those commonalities-- sharing food, caring for the sick or aged or 
very young, singing, observing special occasions. 

Lynn Nadeau
RoseWind Cohousing
22 families, with room for just two more