Cohousing-L Mailing List: Levels of community in cohousing

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

This is a response to the childcare paying thread.

My own definition of real community is when people give of themselves
without any expectation of notice or return because they care about each
other. This approach builds deep, caring relationships.

There are people in the communities movement who say that cohousing is not
real community, its just real estate development with a more friendly social
atmosphere for yuppies. In my experience, there is often a real mix about
how much people care about each other in cohousing groups. Some are deeper
than others.

Most of the benefits of cohousing come out of peoples  interest in
relationships with their neighbors. If you have little interest in
relationship you will do very little for  the community, and thus many
community  possibilities will not flower.  Some coho groups have very deep
and meaningful relationships among the members, others have much more
shallow. It is your choice what kind of community you want, and where you
put your energies. Your interest in relationships provides the boundaries
for what you are willing to do, or pay for in regards to others needs.

I once went to visit a forming cohousing group where the childcare was
excellent, 3 trained child care providers for a group of 10 kids. (The kids
scene looked WAAAY more fun than the meeting)
I asked somebody how the group paid for this. They didn't, Bill, a single
older  man with lots of money took care  of it. When I asked Bill about it,
he told me that it was a real joy and honor for him to be able to help the
group with an important need.  Most the community knew that Bill had
organized it and were grateful and happy about it, none of them knew what it
actually cost, and it did not matter, either to the group, or to Bill.  I
imagine, as time moves forward Bill will quietly fund many other things, and
in doing so, find happiness in helping out his community. Of course, money
is just one way to give service to others.

It seems to me, that the communities that most inspire me, have members who
readily give service to the needs of the group and their  mission.

May your community be blessed with people who care about each other.

Rob Sandelin

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