Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Levels of community in cohousing

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> My own definition of real community is when people give of themselves
> without any expectation of notice or return because they care about each
> other. This approach builds deep, caring relationships.

Well said, but this takes time to build. Sometimes people think this should
be the way everyone behaves from day one -- if you don't feel this way, you
aren't ready for community living.

Legislating that this is the way you have to behave if you live in community
is a block to actually developing the trust that makes it possible to care.

The feeling that it will all work out develops over time and differently for
each of us.

And each of us has a lot of wounds to heal. Mine is around money and each
person carrying their weight financially. For most people, time balances out
in one way or another. You get more when you give more. If you get
overwhelmed just back off. Money doesn't seem to work this way.

The example of the person who has lots of money and wants to give it is
lovely and sometimes cohousing groups have erred on the side of not allowing
those who can to give money -- only time.

When people are giving neither time nor money, the diversity one wanted gets
very hard.

Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org


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