Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Managing Outbursts in Meetings

[Tree Bressen (tree]

Hi,

I echo what Rob said.  I actively encourage groups to learn how to
incorporate emotional input into their meetings, otherwise i think they
miss out on some of the most important information and energy.  However,
that doesn't mean letting people treat others poorly.  A skilled
facilitator can intervene to *both* find out what's behind the emotional
outburst and protect others from attack.  So if the outburst is of a type
that blames someone else, you can ask those follow-up questions without
lending support or agreement to the blaming aspect of what the person said.
 And you can then also give time if needed to the person who was on the
receiving end of the blaming statement.  

Some groups have explicit ground rules that prohibit attacking statements,
and sometimes having agreements like that makes it easier for a facilitator
to call someone on such behavior.  However, it's important to do that from
a supportive place, rather than falling into being blaming yourself.  Like
Rob said, the important thing is to find out what's going on behind the
statement that led to the outburst.  There is often a grain of truth to
expressions even when they emerge in a way we are uncomfortable with, and
it's all too easy to fall into scapegoating.  I recommend seeking a balance
that draws out what needs to be heard from all sides, in a way that is as
fair and compassionate as possible.

peace,

--Tree



-----------------------------------------------

Tree Bressen
1680 Walnut St.
Eugene, OR 97403
(541) 484-1156
tree [at] ic.org
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