Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> I echo what Rob said.  I actively encourage groups to learn how to
> incorporate emotional input into their meetings, otherwise i think they
> miss out on some of the most important information and energy.  However,
> that doesn't mean letting people treat others poorly.  A skilled
> facilitator can intervene to *both* find out what's behind the emotional
> outburst and protect others from attack.
> [snip]
> Some groups have explicit ground rules that prohibit attacking statements,
> and sometimes having agreements like that makes it easier for a facilitator
> to call someone on such behavior.

This is a distinction we got into with the discussion of expressing anger in
any situation in cohousing (Remember that long month of August with 40 posts
a day?). 

Anger is anger -- and does not have to be interpreted as "anger at". People
get angry "about" not necessarily "at."

Emotional outbursts, like expressing anger, do not  have to be interpreted
as "attacks". What is viewed as an attack by one person may not be viewed as
an attack by the person who is supposedly under attack.

We have a member who has gone ballistic at me several times over what he
perceived as a personal attack on someone else. I ask the person in question
if they felt I was attacking them and they say no. in case they are not
being entirely truthful (it does happen much to my astonishment). I take the
time to explain what I was concerned about and that it was not personal and
I was certainly not attacking them.

When we perceive "attacks" this is an interpretation. "Emotional outburst"
is descriptive and keeps the focus on the person central to the subject.
Each person and each outburst needs to be understood and dealt with in ways
that resolves the conflict -- whether the emotion is "manipulative" or
"real."

Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org




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